"The Creative Side of Alex"

I was cleaning my room the other night and found one of my old high school poetry journals.

Oh my God that's right I was an angsty 17 year old.

And you know what I learned?

There's a reason I was never a poet.

I'd like to take this moment to share with you some of the awful fucking poetry I wrote when I was 17.

I mean... It's so bad that I want to beat me up!


12.27.04 Halo

it's all gone
your halo that use to hide your inner self has faded
and now I see you for who you are
and underneath all of the flashy exterior
you're beautiful
my thoughts flow like waterfall
my rapids broke your facade into a million pieces
that no sticky tape can fix


12.22.04

you killed me inside
I hope you know that this pain won't leave
my scars open again
my stitched heart and stitched lip
have broken apart once again
no amount of muffins and band-aids can help
I'm gone for good.
I let you in, but you broke the gate down anyway
and now I'm in pieces on the ground
shattered from the impact of your oblivious heart

my heart was made into a smoothie
in the blender of your black eyes
can you see why I feel betrayed
you're a bad habit, like popping zits
and you've left unsightly scars all over my love
I've never wanted do die this much
can't you appreciate me?
just a little?



(I was a bit of a romantic though. It's nice to know that 17 year old Alex was still planning on being adorable and innocent forever.)


12.15.04 my plea

Please stars
grant my wish
give him to me.
I love him more than anyone else
can't you grant me this one wish?
There's nothing more I'd like to see
than he and I together
he's perfect - he may drink, smoke, etc
but nothing he does will change the fact that I love him
I shouldn't, I know, but I do! I barely know him
and yet
It feels I've known him forever
If you can do just this one
last
desperate
thing for me
Please, I need him
he will complete me
I've never felt better with anyone else
he makes me so happy
Please - give him to me
make him mine and no one else's
please, I need him more than air
Please stars
grant my wish
give him to me


12.15.04 my sonic love
I tried so hard to make you mine
I worked hard today to no avail
looks like more nights of hugging my pillow
instead of you
my sonic love

you've thought about it
just not with me
no matter what you do, you're perfect
my sonic love

you went to smoke
by the bay
and I watched
sighed in dismay
though you were beautiful,
you cared not for my love
maybe someday you'll see what you're missing
if it's not my lips you're kissing
your lips should belong to me
I'd even marry you
my sonic love

(Just so you guys can have some perspective, here's a semi-recent picture of the guy that I was head over heels for in 2004)



Now, back then he had a few less tats, a few less holes, and I'm assuming a few more baths...
but other than that, not much changed.

Yep.

I was fucked up as shit.
I mean, I had to have been to write something like this:


10.26.04 a haiku

My breath smells awful
could it be something I ate?
This is really rank


But by far, the worst, worst one I wrote is as follows.


12.22.04 maybe
I've got to beat this
I've got to swim through these tears you've caused
my breaststroke sucks
I'm drowning in my own sadness
I hope you're happy
no amount of superglue will fix this broken heart you handed me
good job, mission complete
maybe I'm too good for your love
maybe I'm not good enough
maybe I just want to scream at myself
maybe I just need to scream at you
maybe I can just scream
maybe I can just cry
cry a tear for you
none will be shed for me
better not let them go to waste
I wouldn't want that
no, not for you.


Really? "my breastroke sucks?" What the fuck, man?


I hope you guys enjoyed that little journey down my memory lane. This was all from one semester of schooling my senior year. That's how freakin' miserable I was. I wrote 35 poems about this one guy in this one book alone. I was clearly a crazy person!

Bright side, I've learned a lot since this period in my life.


Now, when I'm obsessed with someone, I just facebook stalk them.

Witness

So a friend of mine tweeted tonight:

"if someone tells you about God and what He's done, it's because they care about you."

I think it's a sweet sentiment.

If you've read any of my blogs on religion, you'll find I have nothing against religion, but I do have something against the way it's frequently practiced.

Very rarely do I come across someone who is willing to admit they're a devout Christian unless they're telling me why I'm wrong about something with no other justification than "because the Lord says so."

Of course, I'm typing this as my mother is in the other room, praying. Just like she has every night, since before I was born.

My mother is a very self-aware Christian.

My Grandmother talks about her "conversations" with God, and how he talks to her. All of my grandmother's friends also talk about their "conversations" with God.

God doesn't talk to my mother.
She says this makes her care about religion even more. "Why doesn't he talk to me? I don't know, but I know he talks to them. I'll just keep trying."


Just because someone tries to Witness to you does not mean it's out of love. They try and tell themselves it's out of love, but what it's often out of is misunderstanding.

I've had protesters at gay functions try to tell me that what they're saying is out of Love. Most of them, I agree with; but it's not me in particular they care about, it's the fate of the world. Therefore, it's not me they love, it's not the gay community - true love and caring involves a deeper understanding of who a person is. Unfortunately, they look at the gay community the same way one of us would look at a drug addict - yes, they love and care about us our recovery. They look at us as a charity case, people to pity. People who don't know that they're behavior is going to send them to the fiery depths of hell.

And yes, in that respect, they "love" us.

That's not the kind of love I need.

Then again, in all fairness, I don't 100% understand them either. ...though I feel like I've a deeper understanding about how the world actually works.

Fancy And Gay

(Okay so I definitely wrote this blog a year ago and forgot to post it. ...I've no idea what triggered me writing it, but I feel like it needs to be shared. Original writing date: Oct. 20, 2009)

Fag.

I hate that word. I actually cringe when I see it, hear it, type it... I don't like it. It derogatory, it's mean... it's not okay. And I won't have anyone telling me what I am and am not allowed to be offended at.

Let's start with the origin of the word. Yes, it means "a bundle of sticks." A bundle of sticks used as kindling to burn homosexuals at the stake. So yeah... not exactly a nice term.

"But in Europe it means 'cigarette butt'!"
Not when it's being said at a gay person, it's not.

Now that we have it's origins out of the way...

Essentially, "Fag" is the gay version of "Nigger," which is another word that I hate seeing/hearing/typing. The "N" Word was what slave owners used to call their "negroes".

"But black people call each other that all the time! Why can't we call each other fags?"

Personally, I don't like when black people say the N word, but I'm not a black person, and considering gays are still a rising minority, we really have to be careful. Calling each other Faggots makes it okay for other people to call us Faggots, just like in Mean Girls - "Calling each other bitches and whores makes it okay for other people to call you bitches and whores."
We're making it okay for others to say it. One day, your straight best friend calls you fag, and it's funny because he's your friend. Then he says it in front of one of his friends, but it's okay because he has gay friends who think it's cool. Then that friend thinks it's okay, and it spreads.
It is not okay.

Now, part of it may have to do with where you grew up. I grew up in an area where calling someone a "faggot" is a pretty hefty insult. However, the lesbians all call themselves "dykes." I didn't know for a long time that "dyke" was bad, I just thought it was a shorter way to say lesbian, like homosexual -> gay. When I got to college, a friend of mine told me that where she was from, the gays called themselves fags and so did everyone else so it was cool, but if a girl got called a dyke, it was time to throw down.

Sure, sometimes I maintain the mantra that if most people don't care about something, then no one should - but this is not one of those times. We're turning into our own worst enemies by saying things like "oh, my friend Tim is such a fag." or "oh my god, Jake in my class has the faggiest hair i've ever seen." These things are not okay! I mean, white people don't go around calling each other crackers, asian people don't call each other chinks, and hispanics don't call themselves spicks or degos. (I don't really know what those words mean, to be honest. I grew up in a nice house where we don't say words like that.)

Long story short, watch your fucking mouth.

Curb Your Enthusiasm

I accidentally cut a guy off. Naturally, he proceeds to chase me for at least five blocks tailgating me the whole way, when I hit a stop sign and he pulls next to me, rolls down his window, and starts yelling. "I got kids in the car, and you drivin' like a dummy!! You drivin' like a dummy!" I snapped back "And you just chased me down!! Do you realize how unintelligent that is?!" He starts yelling "Oh, now I'm unintelligent? I'm unintelligent?!" as I drove away. He started tailing me again for a hot second but then stopped. I thought I was gonna have to call the cops.

He had a giant SUV, and I have a tiny Toyota Camry. The way I cut him off, had he hit me, he would have broadsided me. I would have been dead, his kids wouldn't have even woken up, and it would have been 100% my fault and he'd get off free of charge. Instead of driving away and thanking his lucky stars that nothing happened, he proceeded to STALK me. He had no idea who he was chasing down. I could have been a 400lb bodybuilder serial killer for all he knew.

I remained pretty calm, but I wanted to be like "do you realize what you just taught your kids? Do you realize that you just taught your kids that hunting a guy down for cutting you off is okay? Do you know that??" I'm glad I drove away, because honestly he could have beat my ass, but what he did is SO incredibly wrong. People need to learn to curb their road rage, because it's not okay. If someone pisses you off, shake your fist and move on. Jesus fucking Christ.

Of course, part of why he was yelling at me was the "poor" driving I showed after I cut him off, but I was driving a little crazy because he was on my tail, chasing me. I was trying to lose him. I don't drive like that normally - I'm actually a really good driver. I don't have problems like this, ever. Until tonight, I've never been so much as beeped at.

The entire drive home, any large, pale-colored car that was behind me scared me to death because I thought it was him again. I'm now basically terrified of large, pale SUV's. And of course, because it's night, I didn't get his license plate number or his car model, so there's nothing I can do other than remain in constant fear of large, pale SUV's.

Fuckin' people.

Red-Headed Slut

So Kathy Griffin is a fucking genius.

And she has every ounce of it planned.


I've finally broken down the Kathy Griffin Formula.

See, for a while, I just didn't understand Kathy Griffin. When I saw her in interviews or on the red carpet, she was just a total raucous bitch.



(Yes, this is the ONLY version of that clip I could find.)

I just couldn't understand her appeal. She kind of reminded me of Lisa Lampanelli, who's just gross. I didn't understand how Kathy had such a large group of loyal Griffins.

Then I actually watched some of her stand up.



Notice how she's softer spoken, she smiles, she reacts to the audience...
She performs her stand up like she's hanging with a group of her galpals.
And yes, that draws you in. It feels raw, unaldulterated, and passionate - and that makes it funny.

She purposefully does her stand-up in a way that makes it feel like you're privy to a conversation that the rest of the world isn't - which is the same way Kathy makes her life out to be when she interacts with the "A-List". She then passes that knowledge down to us loyal followers, and she feels like that one girl we knew in high school who was wicked talented, then we run into her later on and she's still the same girl, but she's famous as shit and still doesn't understand how it happened. Now you two have lunch every other week, and you precede every conversation with "oh, spill the beans guuuurl!"

That, my friends, is Kathy Griffin.

And you know what?

I love it.

Arousal

Coca-Cola Egypt recently released a "homoerotic" advertisement.

When you hear homoerotic, what are you thinking?

Maybe something like this?




Or maybe something more along the lines of...




Or even...





So when you hear about Egypt's "homoerotic" Coca-Cola ad, am I the only one that gets a little... excited?

Well here it is, folks, in all its homoerotic glory.





whu...uh...

that's it?

Just a hand-hold?
That's not erotic in the least.
It turns my Semi-Trailer Truck into a Comact Sedan.
Hell, only one of the guys is attractive!

(That chick looks pretty hot though...)

So why is this considered "Homoerotic"? Sure, its gay-themed, but homoerotic?

What? What do you mean it might not even be gay-themed?


You see, in the middle eastern areas, it's actually common and socially acceptable for grown, straight men to hold hands in public. Despite all the other well-known taboos in the middle-east, it's important to remember that they don't hold all of the same taboos that we do in the west. I read somewhere that the American Government was considering spreading a fake gay sex tape of Saddam Hussein in order to cause unrest in his government until finally someone let them know that no one would really care. Sure, gay-fuckin' is highly illegal there, but a sex tape like that just wouldn't mean anything. Same with this commercial - the guy is probably more bewildered that someone he didn't know took his hand than that person being a man.


Mostly, I'm just perturbed by the use of the word "Homoerotic." When we see a straight couple in a commercial, that doesn't make it Heteroerotic - it's just a straight couple. Calling unarousing things "homoerotic" demonizes the whole concept of homosexuality; saying that something as simple as brief hand holding can give us a raging boner is the same rhetoric being passed by the religious right, turning gays into sex-crazed beasts who eroticise even the most naive of intimate human interactions. It turns us into the group that people are afraid to share bathrooms with, the group that people are afraid to share an apartment complex with, and the group that people are afraid to share an office with, lest every glance, wave, or passing breath be sexually charged. It's just one more way to prove us part of "The Other".

Pokemon Black and White

I swear, I don't just sit around and think about Pokemon all day.


...I may be lying.


With only 22 days left until the release of Pokemon Black and White in Japan, there's a few things that I want to talk about. Specifically, the new Pokemon!

In Pokemon Black and White, you're now limited solely to new Pokemon until you've beaten the game. AMAZING! You mean I don't have to see another Geodude EVER AGAIN?

and yet...

Just like every other generation, we have what I like to call the "This Generation's Rattata" Phenomenon.
Each Generation, there are some Pokemon who seem to be replaced by a new Pokemon who's similar in size, stats, and availability within the games.
For instance, every generation has had a new Normal-Type Pokemon found on the first route the player travels on. (The last one there is Minezumi, of Generation V)


We also have "This Generation's Pidgey"... (Generation V's Pidgey is Mamepato)




..."This Generation's Caterpie" (the newest currently named Kurumiru)





Each of these new Pokemon are becoming more and more trite as we realize we're not being treated to a new Pokemon, but simply a rehash of an already-exhausted concept.

(We've also had a few more subtle pairings - for instance, Feebas and Milotic are often considered to be the Hoenn equivalent to Magikarp and Gyarados, with similar statistics but wholly different catch rates, availabilities, and purposes. However, this is more of an interesting bit of trivia and not evidence of a lack of originality. There are other Pokemon who seem to be casually offered answers to common complaints - for instance, Duskull seems to be an answer to the total lack of Ghost-Type Pokemon offered in the game, or Vespiqueen being the answer to the lack of formidable Bug-Types since Beedrill, but that's solely a matter of opinion.)

Well, Generation V is not letting us get away so easy. I've already shown you Minezumi, Mamepato, and Kurumiru, but let's not forget "This Generation's Zubat," Koromori.



I'm sure there'll be more, and we'll have a full answer just a few days after September 18th when the first nerd beats Pokemon Black and White (or, of course, a strategy guide comes out...)

However, I have to give GameFreak some props. Whether you like the designs of some of the new Pokemon or not, they're definitely original -or if not 100% original, they're at least likable. Take Moguryu, for example.



He looks like he could be "This Generation's Sandshrew," but he's adorable, and I'll be excited when I catch one.

There's also screenshots of a Pokemon based off of an Egyptian Sarcophagus, who, like the Unown, may be part of some ancient society found in the Isshu region which could be an absolutely fascinating element of gameplay.

I'll always have my ups and downs with Pokemon, but I'm really excited to see what they do with the next generation. It's hard to remind myself that, though I may be the consumer, this is their creation, and if I don't like it, then that's not their problem. I'm just one person. This is their creation, not mine. Whereas they should bear in mind who their fans are, they should also be brave and creative in their decisions and finished products.

Gotta Catch 'em All!

This is going to be the most serious blog written about Pokemon by someone who isn't a virgin.


Pokemon was released in North America on September 30th, 1998. I had just turned 11 and I was fascinated. Before I managed to get the game myself, I studied the original 150 (we hadn't discovered Mew yet) on the internet and in my friends' strategy guides. Nothing fascinated me more than these creatures.

Then, Christmas Day, I ripped open my packages, desperate to find my copy of Pokemon Blue. After being disappointed by lack of Pokemon underneath my Christmas Tree, mom comes out from the other room with two packages that "Santa" forgot. Chris and I unwrap our copies of Pokemon Red and Blue, respectively.

It was so perfect. Growing up, Chris loved the Red Power Ranger and I loved the Blue Power Ranger. I always used the Blue Yoshi and Chris always used the Red Yoshi. I liked the Blue Beetleborg and Chris liked the Red. Even worse, my second favorite color was Green, the Japanese equivalent to Blue.

Everything about that game was exciting. I almost shit myself when I caught my first Magikarp, that's how excited I was about everything. Every little thing in that game caught me by surprise.

By the time Gold and Silver came along (Oct 14th 2000) I was in 8th grade and a seasoned Pokemon Professional. Johto threw new challenges at me that I never expected; new pokemon, new world map, and new badges. I had to evolve my strategy.

Unfortunately, by the time Ruby and Sapphire came along, it had become very... trite. No longer were the new Pokemon designs intriguing, but they were becoming more and more... unnecessary. There were still some favorites, and I loved that the terrain was more varied and the towns unique.

By the time Diamond and Pearl were released, I had the formula down. Gimme my Pokedex and send me on my way, already!! I knew what I had to do, and was at the Elite four within a week.



I certainly didn't mean to give you my entire history with the franchise, but what I'm trying to get at is that I'm part of the original generation that Pokemon was targeted for. These games were made for me.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I have every right to feel how I feel about the series, because I was part of the demographic it first targeted.


And, like any decade-long fan of the series, I have a series of complaints and gripes.
In no particular order:

<> Okay, for starters, what is with the Pokemon world and gotdamned Electric Rodent Pokemon!! With the addition of Emonga for Pokemon Black & White, we're up to SEVEN.

I mean what is the point of this even?! FIVE OF THEM ARE PRACTICALLY THE SAME GOTDAMN POKEMON. Not a SINGLE one of them is devoid of little circles on their faces. It's also not improper to assume that there will be an evolution to Emonga, giving us the possibility of another one or two more electric rodent Pokemon. There's no need for this! This, in and of itself, is proof of a lack of originality within the staff at Game Freak.

::EDIT::

Speaking of unoriginality, I've noticed another trend in the Pokemon world. If it's not some kind of an electric rodent, then it's gotta be a MONKEY! I mean, EVERYONE LOVES MONKEYS, AMIRITE?! At least they're all part of an evolutionary line, unlike all of the Pikachu knockoffs. And yes, it's arguable that Slaking is a sloth, but he has more in common with the apes than he does his clearly sloth-like pre-evolution, Slakoth.

But wait, isn't there something missing? Oh, that's right! The whole reason I'm adding this portion in - The August 22nd Pokemon Sunday in Japan just revealed a new Pokemon, Yanappu:

This time, it's a GRASS MONKEY! KIDS LOVE MONKEYS AMIRITE.

OH WAIT! Don't forget! We've also got Hihidaruma!

It's like they just throw elements together with animals. "Monkey... fire... FireMonkey?!" "Don't we have a Fire Chicken and a Fire Pig and a Fire Horse and a Fire Puppy and another Fire Puppy and a Fire Slug and a Fire Turtle and a Fire Fox and a Fire Dragon and another Fire Monkey already?" "Did you hear me? I SAID FIREMONKEY!"

<> EVOLUTION

{}There are some Pokemon that were given completely unnecessary evolutions. For instance,

What is the point of evolving Lickitung??

There's a big deal made in Pokemon Diamond and Pearl that "maybe only perfect Pokemon don't evolve. That's why Dialga and Palkia don't evolve, but other Pokemon do?" That doesn't mean you need to take Pokemon that are already pretty nonsensical on their own and giving them an even worse evolution!

That brings me to my next evolution complaint,

{} Why were there some Pokemon that didn't evolve?

If we absolutely needed an evolution or baby form of Pokemon like Tangela, Lickitung, and Jynx, then why are there no evolutions or pre-evolutions for Pokemon fan-favorites like Farfetch'd or obscure Pokemon like Smeargle, or unnecessary, clearly imperfect Pokemon like Pachirisu? Seriously? Pachirisu, a Pokemon found almost immediately in the games doesn't evolve?! But they felt the need to add on evolutions to already stable evolutionary families, like Ryhorn/Rhydon, Magby/Magmar, Elekid/Electabuzz, Magnemite/Magneton, etc? Those Pokemon bring me to my next gripe,

{} Complicated Evolutionary Families

In order to add on to some evolutionary lines, Game Freak / Nintendo decided that instead of reasoning "uhh... you couldn't evolve it because we hadn't thought of that Pokemon yet..." they instead rationalized that the Pokemon world just hadn't figured out how to evolve it yet.

For instance, you can evolve Sneasel into Weavile at night if it's holding a Razor Claw.

Wait, what?

That's... oddly specific...

Surely there's no other Pokemon like that, right?

Lickitung evolves into Lickylicky when leveled up while knowing the move Rollout. Evolve Gligar into Gliscor at night while holding a Razor Fang. To evolve Porygon into Porygon2, trade it while it holds Up-Grade. Trade it again while holding Dubious Disc to obtain a PorygonZ.

The list goes on and on. Which brings me to my next topic...

<> Something that's bothered me for a while now is the new emphasis on battle instead of catching all the Pokemon. I suppose catching over 500 Pokemon has become a pretty daunting task, but it's almost unfair to the Pokemon at this point. Later on, I'll go into Pokemon that I've deemed pretty much useless, but thanks to the emphasis being detracted from "Catching 'em All!", the novelty Pokemon are basically ignored. I can't imagine a single person that purposefully catches a Nosepass. I, personally, don't even bother with Geodude or Zubat anymore. I mean, what's the point? Catch one Geodude and you've caught 'em all.

<> Can you honestly say you remember this Pokemon?

What about this one?

What about these?

That's fine, I didn't remember them either.

Now that there's over 500 of them, they're becoming very forgettable. Thanks to Generation IV being fresh in our minds, we can barely remember Generation III anymore, and as time as gone on, there's less and less Pokemon from each generation that I think "Oh man! I can't wait to catch and train so-and-so!" Sure, I have a few from each generation. I'm always excited to get a Wartortle and a Dragonair. I fight to get my Mareep as soon as I can so I can evolve him into an Ampharos, and Quagsire has never failed me. Despite a lack of attack strength, I love the evolutionary line of Ralts, and I sped through SoulSilver as fast as I could so I could beat it and get my Shinx.

Unfortunately, it seems as though GameFreak ran out of ideas for many of their Pokemon, or didn't give some Pokemon enough unique characteristics, movesets, or battles involving them in order for us to remember them.

{} As a sidenote, the new games are not going to feature any Pokemon outside of Isshu's Regional Pokedex until you get the NationalDex. Though I find this is a great way to strand veteran players outside their comfort zones, it makes me incredibly sad that I won't be able to have a Shinx for a long, long time.

{} I could focus for a while on the Legendary Pokemon, but I feel like a lot of what I have to say has already been said. It's kind of strange that you can basically capture and train GOD. It's strange to think that back during Pokemon Red and Blue the most powerful mother-fucker ever was Mewtwo. Now, Mewtwo is Sunkern in comparison to these Pokemon that created Time and Space. And what kills me is how are these Pokemon who created everything only like level 40? I would expect a bit more out of our creators. Dialga and Palkia created time and space. Azelf, Mesprit, and Uxie created emotion. Giratina rules over the nether world. Arceus created the entire universe. And the newcomers, Reshiram and Zekrom possibly created Arceus. Granted, Mew is the ancestor of all Pokemon and Celebi can travel through time, but creating the thing that created everything ever? That's pretty badass. What the hell does Ho-oh do other than fly around and look pretty? Man, fuck that.

<> Okay, I actually like the story, despite how repetitive it is. 10 year old boy trains Pokemon and saves the world. It's kind of interesting though, seeing as how in Generation III and IV you literally save the planet from destruction (in Generation III, you prevent Team Aqua from covering the world in water and Team Magma from covering the world in earth; in Generation IV, you stop Team Galactic from destroying our world and creating a new one, presumably full of Glameow and Purugly.) However, it always bother me that you then have to prove yourself to the Elite Four. Like... dude. Just made sure you all didn't die horrible deaths. I think y'all owe me at this point.

It'll be interesting to see what stupid stuff Team Plasma comes up with. I assume they'll be equally as ridiculous as Team Galactic, but hopefully with a little more spice and flair. I hope I'm actually a little bit afraid of them, instead of my usual tactic of plowing through them like a lawnmower on warm summer day.

Though that makes me curious - why is no one surprised to see a 10 year old get his first Pokemon and become a complete Pokemon Master within a week? There are people in these games who've been training for years and years and years and you knock them out after your third day training. That's, I suppose, a downside to being a veteran - everything comes easily.



Okay, I think it's about time to wrap up this blog. I might do a Part II later, but I'd like to add a disclaimer to the end of this one. I think Pokemon is the most amazing and innovative Video Game series of our time. Nothing will ever surpass it in terms of originality and addiction value. I will be buying the new generations sometime next spring. (who's hoping for an early release date?!)

I am in no way, shape, or form a purist. I see a lot of really interesting changes coming up in Generation V and I'm so excited to play through my ELEVENTH Pokemon Journey. That's right, I've played through Blue, Yellow, Silver, Crystal, Sapphire, Emerald, LeafGreen, Diamond, Platinum, and SoulSilver.