Celebrity Crushes

Let's talk about Celebrity Crushes.
...we all have them, stop pretending like you don't. He's the guy that at night, you fantasize about starting a band so you can go on tour with them and make them love you. Sure, these fantasies deny all common knowledge, expectations, and sexuality, but those are just annoying things that people say, i.e. "Oh, I have such a crush on Brad Pitt" yeah, well he's practically married to Angelina Jolie, so I guess you're out of luck. "Really? that's what tipped you off? Not the fact that I'm a dude, or that I've never met him, or that he's famous as fuck and I'm not, so I never will meet him? No, it's totally because Angelina Jolie is in my way - she's my only competition."
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Anyways, here are my celebrity crushes!!!

<-Matt Cady, FannyPak

Alex Gaskarth, All Time Low ->

<-Joel McHale, The Soup (sorry Joel!)

Chris Hardwick, Web Soup ->

Mark Salling & Corey Monteith, Glee

Pasha Kovalev, So You Think You Can Dance





Jimmy Robbins

William Tell

Link

Levi Johnston

I mean, I think that's a pretty good list. I also really like this one guy that occasionally pops up on the manhunt ads... he's a regulation hottie...



Tell me that's not a guy worth keepin' around, eh?

Anyways, who are your big celebrity crushes? Tell me about them! What's your fantasies about them?

(I'll tell you mine! Sometimes, I fantasize that I put a band together and we get hella famous and go on tour with All Time Low, Hey Monday, and Jimmy Robbins. I'm the first band to ever bring dancers on tour, and I bring Fanny Pak with me. Some nights I think about Matt Cady, some nights I think about Alex Gaskarth... some nights I imagine them fighting over me! Tee hee!)

Hitler = Voldemort?

(I put a question mark at the end, so it means I can't get sued!)

Whereas I used to defend Gay Rights and post funny videos, I now find myself half-asleep and defending celebrities. Why? They don't need my help. Well, I'm unemployed and lonely, so what else do I have to do?

Aubrey O'Day, former Danity Kane member, appeared on some fox news show and apparently called Fidel Castro and Adolph Hitler "brilliant men." (::edit:: Micheal Jackson apparently did too.)

Is she so wrong?

Now that I have your attention, let me preface - I didn't watch the clip. I couldn't stand her singing voice, I sure as shit can't take her speaking voice. Chances are she didn't bother to defend herself in any intelligent way. I, however, can.

Fidel Castro and Adolph Hitler are/were Brilliant men.

Now, before I get shot...
Does this mean they were good men?
Absolutely not.

Some of the worst people are some of the smartest. I mean, let's look at fantasy even. Dr. Doom. Lex Luthor. Bowser. Voldemort. Ganondorf. All brilliant. Powerful. Captivating. There's a reason they could win. Of course Adolf was a brilliant man - he conquered his own country and then half the world. He was a strategist, a manipulator, a genius. No, this does not mean he was a good man. He used his power for evil.

To be fair, I'll be the first to admit that my knowledge of history is not strong. Having said that, I'll also say that I know next to nothing about Fidel Castro, though I suspect he's also incredibly intelligent. According to Wikipedia, he's served like six different positions in Cuban government. Granted, Bush served a few different positions in ours, but we're America. Up until recently, we hadn't had a President that didn't sound like a hick in over twenty years. We allowed Britney Spears, who can't discern her child from a delicious marshmallow (y'all!) to dominate pop culture for a decade.

Time Magazine intended to name Adolph Hitler as last centuries most influential person, but people lost their shit over it. Wasn't he though? Wasn't he that generations Voldemort he-who-shall-not-be-named? He's spoken about in every history class, no matter what the topic. Everyone knows what a swastika looks like, and everyone knows the salute. We've all learned about WWII, and should we ever rise to power, we know better than to invade Russia. He's the second funniest card in Apples to Apples (Touchy-Feely Helen Keller is #1.) He definitely was last centuries most influential person - everything he was affects who we are today.

I reiterate - yes, Adolph Hitler was a Brilliant and Influential person. This does not make him a good person. People have this kind of reaction because they react the same way the magic community did about Voldemort. Everyone knew everything about him, but people were so afraid to say anything about him that it cause mass hysteria every time Harry refused to call him "he-who-shall-not-be-named" or whatever. We're allowed to talk about Adolph Hitler. We can talk about Hitler so long as we don't talk about how awesome the number of jews, gays, and other minorities he killed; but we can talk about the fact that it happened. We can talk about how influential it is. We can talk about how Brilliant, but epically misguided he was. It's okay now. The war's over. Let us speak.

I knew Aubrey O'day was destined to say something stupid the second I saw she was on Fox News. I, however, can defend myself far better than she can.

I may not be as brilliant as Adolph or Fidel, but I have to be smarter than Aubrey O'Day.

The People vs. Chris Brown

Okay, this Chris Brown this is getting completely fucking out of control.

Number One, people need to stop acting like Chris Brown is the only guy that's ever lost his shit and hit a girl. Right now, he's trying his best to acknowledge where he's gone wrong and try to make up for it, but the media just won't let him. Continuing to call him names like Woman-Beater and saying that these kind of things don't happen in modern times aren't helping him clear his image - they're making him the poster boy of Domestic Violence.

Secondly, people are completely up in arms about his saying that he doesn't remember beating Rihanna. For starters, that makes sense - when you're at a point where you hit a woman multiple times in the face, there's a fierce chance that your blood is boiling, your endorphins are rushing, and you may very well "lose your shit" as I like to say. It's completely plausible that he blacked out and doesn't remember a thing.
...ya know, except he didn't really say that.

He released a press statement today saying that people need to tune in and watch the entire video:

"There have been reports on the Internet that I didn't remember what happened that night with Rihanna. I want to try and set things straight.
That 30 seconds of the interview they used of me was taken from a one hour interview during which that same question was asked something like 4 or 5 times -- and when you look at the entire interview you will see it is not representative of what I said.
The first four times - or how ever many times it was - I gave the same answer -- which was that I didn't think it was appropriate for me to talk about what happened that night. I said it was not right for me and it really wasn't fair to Rihanna. The fifth time - or whatever it was - I just misspoke. I was asked, "Do you remember doing it?" and I said, "No."
Of course I remember what happened. Several times during the interview, my mother said that I came to her right afterwards and told her everything. But it was and still is a blur. And yes, I still can't believe it happened because it is not me or who I am or is what happened like anything I have ever done before.
As I have said several times previously, I am ashamed of and sorry for what happened that night and I wish I could relive that moment and change things, but I can't. I take full responsibility for my actions. What I have to do now is to prove to the world that this was an isolated incident and that is not who I am and I intend to do so by my behavior now and in the future."

News anchors and interviewers constantly badger interviewees trying to get them to slip up - when Larry asks the same question FIVE TIMES you're likely to try and get out of answering too. But all people are hearing is him doing damage control, "uh... no! That's not what I meant!" This is yet another instance of the media improperly representing itself, cutting and pasting pieces of tape together to send across a completely different message. I'm not saying that all media in a sense "photoshops" their pieces to alter the message, but there are few companies that can truthfully say that they're guilt-free.

As a psychologist, I'll tell you right now - Chris Brown's upbringing did not provide him a stable atmosphere. His father abused his mother (he later denied it completely, despite the fact that he's blind due to his gun misfiring during a fight with his wife) leading a poor example for Chris on the proper way to express anger. Chris was not just taught that hitting women was okay, but he was also taught that violence is the correct way to express anger.

Mind you, I am in no way, shape, or form excusing his behavior. Growing up, he should have realized that this was in every way wrong; however, his "fight or flight" response is and forever will be geared towards "fight." It's not like he went home every day and hit Rihanna when she overcooked the roast. There are much worse men in America who truly need corrective therapy, vs Chris who really needs some Anger Management.

In essence, YES, Chris Brown was WRONG in what he did; but he knows it. Give him the chance to apologize and try and make things right. If Rihanna has, you can too.

You know what? Let's compare this to something that's kinda basically completely different.
Remember when Perez Hilton called will.i.am a "fucking f@ggot"? People are still legitimately upset by that, myself included. But why, Alex, when he went on national media and talk show circuits apologizing?

...oh wait, he didn't. He cried a whole lot though. He cried a whole lot, and then threatened to sue the shit out of will.i.am and donate it all to the Matthew Shepard Foundation (who, by the way, refused the money; they didn't like Perez exploiting his use of the word for monetary gain and publicity.)

Chris Brown isn't like Perez. He's trying. Sure, he leaked songs for his new album called "Smash" and "Uh Oh," but those are just poor choices. Not nearly as poor as punching Rihanna, but still.

If you really wanna keep hating on Chris Brown, try donating your time and money to Domestic Abuse shelters. Learn more about what you can do to help thousands and thousands of abused women (and men) who can't just take a trip to Barbados after the wounds heal. Find the local domestic abuse shelter and volunteer; instead of vlogging about your hatred towards Chris Brown, try spreading awareness about what everyone can do to help.