I need a guy who thinks it's cute that I drink everything with a straw.
I need a guy who doesn't mind that I'll tell him the same story a hundred times.
I need a guy who understands that sometimes, my jaw hurts. (I have TMJ disorder.)
I need a guy who doesn't judge how much Red Bull I drink (with a straw, naturally.)
I need a guy who doesn't want to push me into doing things I don't want to do.
I need a guy who understands that I describe smells by color.
I need a guy who smells a little bit red, but more like a light, rich red.
I need a guy who understands that I need space as much as I need to be cuddled to death.
I need a guy who isn't scared off by my friends.
I need a guy who doesn't like my friends more than me.
I need a guy who doesn't judge the fact that I have about fifteen blue plaid/checkered shirts.
I need a guy who likes the random little gifts I'll get for him.
I need a guy who understands that just because I listen to a lot of acoustic music, it doesn't mean I'm depressed.
I need a guy who understands the difference between Sad Alex and Tired Alex.
I need a guy who doesn't ask me 500 times if I'm "okay," he understands the first time.
I need a guy who doesn't mind that I'm a little bit messy. ...okay, a lotta bit messy.
I need a guy who understands that some things, no matter how nonsensical, are incredibly important to me.
I need a guy who doesn't mind when I don't shave my face for a few days.
I need a guy who can remember that I don't eat Olives or Fish.
I need a guy who understands that I'm not picky, I just know my likes and dislikes very well.
I need a guy who doesn't mind me blasting my music as loud as I possibly can.
I need a guy who understands that sometimes, I'm going to dance around the kitchen singing.
I need a guy who understands that when I stumble in drunk, he'd better be making me Hamburger Helper.
Did you notice something about that list? It's all about me. I didn't even specify if I want him to be taller or shorter than me. I clearly don't give two shits about him, it's all about me. My fucking God I'm egocentric, self-centered, and selfish. Christ, even my banner is just pictures of me being some kind of attractive. That list there could apply to any guy. Let me rephrase that list.
I need a guy who tolerates my total bullshit.
But you know what? I think it's because I'm confident in the fact that I can make him very, very happy. I'm good at making guys happy... but considering that for the most part I date horrible, horrible people, it's not surprising that my list is all about him paying attention to me and understanding me and loving me for who I am, not who he wants me to be. I make a wonderful boyfriend.... it's just a matter of finding someone who wants to be my wonderful boyfriend. I haven't had that happen in a long time. Everytime I get close, something goes wrong. My last boyfriend wouldn't even admit that he was my boyfriend. We were having sex, being exclusive, talking to each other every night.... but it doesn't matter, because he broke up with me. Why? Because for some reason, he didn't like a single thing about me. Long story short, he's a pretentious art-school kid and I grew up on MTV. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't make him happy, and let's be real - the "tortured soul" thing went out with Kurt Cobain. People want intelligent, moral, healthy individuals nowadays... or at least skinny. Well, I may not be skinny, but I'm intelligent, moral, and emotionally healthy. And yet I'm still single. The only guys I seem to do any sort of relating with are my less masculine straight friends. They all tell me that, if they were into dudes, they'd date the fuck out of me because I'm balls-to-the-wall awesome. I've had straight guys tell me that they wish they could find a girl version of me, that I just don't have the right naughty bits to make things work. But alas, that's neither here nor there, because they won't date me because they can't love me. It's understandable.
The worst part is, there's been a few times where I've been dating totally quality guys, and for some reason, I just can't get into them. I was briefly seeing this guy Anthony a few years ago, and honestly, he's probably one of the nicest guys I've ever dated. I really enjoyed being with him... but for some reason, I just couldn't get into it any more than that. For some reason that I still don't understand, that chemistry just wasn't there. We actually tried again this past fall, hanging out and hooking up again. I actually really enjoyed it and having him around... but there was still something lacking in the chemistry (although less so than before.) He's an even sweeter guy nowadays.
He's got an awesome boyfriend now though, so I know nothing's gonna happen with me and Anthony for a while. Even though I'm kinda starting to miss him a lot, I know that the second we start hanging out / hooking up again, I still won't feel that chemistry enough, and at this point I've probably broken his heart so many times that he wouldn't be my boyfriend even if I begged. Something about our chemistry or pheromones or something just refuses to click on my end, and it's such a shame, since he's such a killer guy. I hope that I'm friends with him for a long fucking time though.
This isn't a case of Unrequited Love Addiction, though. I've been in love, I've been in mutual relationships... I think I'm just unlucky. Guys I want just plain aren't into me... and I'm into guys a lot more often than guys are into me (and generally, the guys that are into me either don't tell me, or they're just really not people I should be dating.)
I just feel like I'm ready to be in love again, and I can't understand why it's not happening. It doesn't help that all of my friends seem to be falling into place with someone now. I, on the other hand, am perpetually single. It's just apparently what I do.
Gyar. One day. One day.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Monday, March 8, 2010
Artesia
I got to see Obama speak at Arcadia University, my Alma Mater, today. It was an amazing speech on Health Care Reform and I was about 50 feet away from him. It was wonderful! :-D
Despite all this, there was of course debate.
The Montgomery News reported:
http://www.montgomerynews.com/articles/2010/03/08/ambler_gazette/news/doc4b95656f28d71262459339.txt#blogcomments
They have a comments section down at the bottom. This comment was posted by "Jerry M".
" It's obvious the cult of personality hasn't worn off with these college students. They are all for a health care reform plan about which they know nothing or very little because Obama says it will be good for them. If this bill passes, they are going to be in for a very rude awakening. They will be paying for this trillion dollar plus entitlement plus the many additional trillions in deficit spending Obama is piling up for them to pay for their entire lives. Artesia costs $31,000 a year for tuition. If this is the best they can do educating students, I would say these students are being scammed. "
Now, I'll be the first to admit that before today, I knew next to nothing about his health reform bill, but I did know that not having insurance is scary - and it's currently my problem. Being without insurance scares me every day, so I paid attention today. This is the response I left on the comments section. It's a bit... rambly, but it gets the job done.
Feel free to add any of your own input in the comments section. I'm sure I'll have some of my information corrected, but the main point of this is that I'm sick of "young people" being deemed as irresponsible and dim-witted for agreeing with Barack Obama.
"For starters, the name of the school is Arcadia University, not "Artesia". Before you judge our students capacities for intelligence, a proper recitation of our name would be appreciated.
Secondly, what is this "cult of personality? of which you speak, Jerry? Are you insinuating that we're too wrapped up in the idea of "Barack Obama" that we can't decipher his words? If so, you're sorely mistaken.
Just because we're young doesn't mean we don't understand what's going on, and from the sounds of it, we understand this bill more than most of its opponents. Had you watched the speech today, or even understood where it took place, you may have heard him explain that not only is his bill comprised of suggestions from both sides of the party lines, but he gave a distinct answer to the question of "where will the money come from?" The money is indeed coming from taxes - taxes we're already paying. He's planning on taking money away from places where it's being poorly spent and relocating it to health care, where it belongs. He's making sure that Insurance Providers, like the one you already likely have, Jerry, won't hike your premium up 100% so that you can no longer afford their health care. He's making sure that uninsured youth, like myself, would be able to either stay on my parents plan until I'm 26, or be able to afford an insurance plan of my own at a feasible rate, since my place of employment does not offer any healthcare. He'd also make sure that all of our doctors provide free checkups and preventative coverage, so that we don't have to spend any more time in the hospital. The lower class won't be affected because they already have medicare, and the upperclass won't be affected because they can afford any healthcare they want. The middle class, like me, will be the ones affected.
I've now gone without insurance for almost a year. I'm currently going without treatment for TMJ Disorder and a bad shoulder because I can't afford dental care or physical therapy because I don't have insurance. My mother's insurance has hiked her rates steadily over the years due to her increased health risks as age increases, and due to her past struggles with sports injuries, breast cancer, and pinched nerves, her insurance has been steadily increasing her premium to the point that she can barely afford it. She can no longer afford her migraine medicine, despite that these migraines will take her out of commission for weeks at a time. As a middle class family who lives well within their means, we shouldn't have to be taking these risks and making these sacrifices.
So when, Jerry, am I supposed to be undergoing this "rude awakening"? Because I think I've already had it."
Despite all this, there was of course debate.
The Montgomery News reported:
http://www.montgomerynews.com/articles/2010/03/08/ambler_gazette/news/doc4b95656f28d71262459339.txt#blogcomments
They have a comments section down at the bottom. This comment was posted by "Jerry M".
" It's obvious the cult of personality hasn't worn off with these college students. They are all for a health care reform plan about which they know nothing or very little because Obama says it will be good for them. If this bill passes, they are going to be in for a very rude awakening. They will be paying for this trillion dollar plus entitlement plus the many additional trillions in deficit spending Obama is piling up for them to pay for their entire lives. Artesia costs $31,000 a year for tuition. If this is the best they can do educating students, I would say these students are being scammed. "
Now, I'll be the first to admit that before today, I knew next to nothing about his health reform bill, but I did know that not having insurance is scary - and it's currently my problem. Being without insurance scares me every day, so I paid attention today. This is the response I left on the comments section. It's a bit... rambly, but it gets the job done.
Feel free to add any of your own input in the comments section. I'm sure I'll have some of my information corrected, but the main point of this is that I'm sick of "young people" being deemed as irresponsible and dim-witted for agreeing with Barack Obama.
"For starters, the name of the school is Arcadia University, not "Artesia". Before you judge our students capacities for intelligence, a proper recitation of our name would be appreciated.
Secondly, what is this "cult of personality? of which you speak, Jerry? Are you insinuating that we're too wrapped up in the idea of "Barack Obama" that we can't decipher his words? If so, you're sorely mistaken.
Just because we're young doesn't mean we don't understand what's going on, and from the sounds of it, we understand this bill more than most of its opponents. Had you watched the speech today, or even understood where it took place, you may have heard him explain that not only is his bill comprised of suggestions from both sides of the party lines, but he gave a distinct answer to the question of "where will the money come from?" The money is indeed coming from taxes - taxes we're already paying. He's planning on taking money away from places where it's being poorly spent and relocating it to health care, where it belongs. He's making sure that Insurance Providers, like the one you already likely have, Jerry, won't hike your premium up 100% so that you can no longer afford their health care. He's making sure that uninsured youth, like myself, would be able to either stay on my parents plan until I'm 26, or be able to afford an insurance plan of my own at a feasible rate, since my place of employment does not offer any healthcare. He'd also make sure that all of our doctors provide free checkups and preventative coverage, so that we don't have to spend any more time in the hospital. The lower class won't be affected because they already have medicare, and the upperclass won't be affected because they can afford any healthcare they want. The middle class, like me, will be the ones affected.
I've now gone without insurance for almost a year. I'm currently going without treatment for TMJ Disorder and a bad shoulder because I can't afford dental care or physical therapy because I don't have insurance. My mother's insurance has hiked her rates steadily over the years due to her increased health risks as age increases, and due to her past struggles with sports injuries, breast cancer, and pinched nerves, her insurance has been steadily increasing her premium to the point that she can barely afford it. She can no longer afford her migraine medicine, despite that these migraines will take her out of commission for weeks at a time. As a middle class family who lives well within their means, we shouldn't have to be taking these risks and making these sacrifices.
So when, Jerry, am I supposed to be undergoing this "rude awakening"? Because I think I've already had it."
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
I think this verse died...
It's been a long time since I've updated.
It's been a very... tumultuous... month, to say the least.
This week has probably been the worst I've had in a while.
Work has been miserable. Working way too many days on way too little sleep is making Alex just the slightest bit on edge. I've got TJM syndrome, meaning my jaw pops and cracks and falls in and out a lot, and it hurts like a motherfucker on the daily.
On top of it, Glenn and I broke up Monday night.
While it was relatively mutual, I'm mostly confused because he's the one that really brought it up. I wanted to break up with him because he really just wasn't treating me right. He broke up with me because we aren't really compatible, which I agree with, but he seemed so... relieved. Of course, he's not the first guy to be relieved to no longer be in a relationship with me.
That's really starting to concern me though. Why are guys so excited to have my weight off their shoulders? I'm not an emotionally overbearing person (that I'm aware of.) I'm not a bad boyfriend. Their friends usually like me. I don't fill the relationship with negative energy, and I don't berate or belittle them in public.
And yet every guy, when we have the "...so can we not date anymore?" talk, they're always so fucking excited to get it over with. Kyle? After Kyleand I broke up dumped me, he said, "So, in sadder news, did you see who went home on America's Next Top Model tonight?"
Seriously?
Yeah.
Glenn wasn't that cold. He couldn't wait to have "the talk," and simply said that we're not compatible and he can't see us moving forward with the relationship. We both knew the whole time that it was true, but I'm still not sure what spurred him to end it. The last time I'd seen him had been a good time... for him, at least.
Despite my protests, he got himself all sorts of tanked, talked about how much he loved mushrooms (not the cooking kind), and attempted to make me soup from scratch. No one else was drinking, and left around 2.00 AM. After convincing him to finally come to bed, since we both had work in the morning, we had sex, and afterward he said "...I think I'm going to throw up." He then passed out in my bed, so I got stuck in the spare bed.
After we dropped him at the train the next day, I knew it by the time I got home - I had to break up with him. I didn't know when or how, since I don't break up with people. I just don't. I knew, though, that I couldn't continue.
Fast forward to now. I knew that I was going to miss him. I also knew that when we broke up, he wouldn't care, and I knew that it would kill me. And sure enough, nothing hurt more than when he "like"d the breakup on facebook.
Fast forward to my exacerbated insomnia and irritability. Fast forward to being at work and just wanting to lay on the floor and cry. Fast forward to going out with my friends on Tuesday night and just feeling a million miles away. Fast forward to being asked a million times if I'm "okay".
The more you ask me if I'm okay the more annoying it gets - when I say "I'm Okay" the first time, it means that I'm either a) okay, or b) not gonna fuckin' talk about it. Just so you know.
I'll be okay. Really. It just might take me a little bit of time.
It's been a very... tumultuous... month, to say the least.
This week has probably been the worst I've had in a while.
Work has been miserable. Working way too many days on way too little sleep is making Alex just the slightest bit on edge. I've got TJM syndrome, meaning my jaw pops and cracks and falls in and out a lot, and it hurts like a motherfucker on the daily.
On top of it, Glenn and I broke up Monday night.
While it was relatively mutual, I'm mostly confused because he's the one that really brought it up. I wanted to break up with him because he really just wasn't treating me right. He broke up with me because we aren't really compatible, which I agree with, but he seemed so... relieved. Of course, he's not the first guy to be relieved to no longer be in a relationship with me.
That's really starting to concern me though. Why are guys so excited to have my weight off their shoulders? I'm not an emotionally overbearing person (that I'm aware of.) I'm not a bad boyfriend. Their friends usually like me. I don't fill the relationship with negative energy, and I don't berate or belittle them in public.
And yet every guy, when we have the "...so can we not date anymore?" talk, they're always so fucking excited to get it over with. Kyle? After Kyle
Seriously?
Yeah.
Glenn wasn't that cold. He couldn't wait to have "the talk," and simply said that we're not compatible and he can't see us moving forward with the relationship. We both knew the whole time that it was true, but I'm still not sure what spurred him to end it. The last time I'd seen him had been a good time... for him, at least.
Despite my protests, he got himself all sorts of tanked, talked about how much he loved mushrooms (not the cooking kind), and attempted to make me soup from scratch. No one else was drinking, and left around 2.00 AM. After convincing him to finally come to bed, since we both had work in the morning, we had sex, and afterward he said "...I think I'm going to throw up." He then passed out in my bed, so I got stuck in the spare bed.
After we dropped him at the train the next day, I knew it by the time I got home - I had to break up with him. I didn't know when or how, since I don't break up with people. I just don't. I knew, though, that I couldn't continue.
Fast forward to now. I knew that I was going to miss him. I also knew that when we broke up, he wouldn't care, and I knew that it would kill me. And sure enough, nothing hurt more than when he "like"d the breakup on facebook.
Fast forward to my exacerbated insomnia and irritability. Fast forward to being at work and just wanting to lay on the floor and cry. Fast forward to going out with my friends on Tuesday night and just feeling a million miles away. Fast forward to being asked a million times if I'm "okay".
The more you ask me if I'm okay the more annoying it gets - when I say "I'm Okay" the first time, it means that I'm either a) okay, or b) not gonna fuckin' talk about it. Just so you know.
I'll be okay. Really. It just might take me a little bit of time.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
A Poem
Another Classmate died today
cause of death; some genetic disease
I feel horribly about it
not because i miss him..
but because I hated him.
And I wonder, when I die, how many will feel the same way
These are the thoughts that go through my mind
late at night, when I can't sleep
as usual
When I finally do, my DiSaronno Dreams
are never enough
Ready, set, remember yet, the way I used to feel
and the way I used to be
I've grown so much, you haven't grown an ounce
though you'll gladly smoke it
Whirlwind romances only go so far
when the tornado stops
will you still keep me safe?
And when I finally close my eyes
you're all I see
I know you don't see me
cause of death; some genetic disease
I feel horribly about it
not because i miss him..
but because I hated him.
And I wonder, when I die, how many will feel the same way
These are the thoughts that go through my mind
late at night, when I can't sleep
as usual
When I finally do, my DiSaronno Dreams
are never enough
Ready, set, remember yet, the way I used to feel
and the way I used to be
I've grown so much, you haven't grown an ounce
though you'll gladly smoke it
Whirlwind romances only go so far
when the tornado stops
will you still keep me safe?
And when I finally close my eyes
you're all I see
I know you don't see me
Friday, January 15, 2010
If Ignorance is Bliss, then why is Pat Robertson so Angry?
Alternate Title: Ex-Gov. Jim McGreevy's Ex-Wife Needs to Shut Her Fucking Mouth
She's reneged her original pro-gay marriage stance. While I agree that her plight was indeed a difficult one and that no spouse should ever have to go through it, I'd love to disagree with her statement and say that gay people should be allowed to be married for this same reason.
If gay marriage were legal, we'd have a different attitude towards homosexuality in this country, and maybe more gay youth growing up wouldn't feel forced into the heterosexual lifestyle. Maybe Jim McGreevey wouldn't have felt pressured into marrying a woman, knowing that he could be married to a man with the same amount of happiness and love.
Legalizing Gay Marriage will, among other things, help deter gay men and women from entering loveless marriages solely to appease society's rules and regulations.
(Also, it will help decrease the number of uninsured people, removing the burden from the state. It'll also help provide loving, legally stable homes for children. Jus' sayin'.)
In crude essence, fuck you Dina Matos. You had the opportunity to rise above this, and instead you became a bitter bitch. Thanks for fuckin' up.
"[McGreevey's ex-wife, Dina Matos], 43, gave a speech at the Zonta Club in Mountain Lakes, telling the group that she believes marriage should only be between and man and a woman.
Matos also talked about her memoir 'Silent Partner,' and the horror she experienced in finding out her husband and father of her daughter was keeping such a huge secret from her.She said that if she had to do it again, she probably wouldn’t have stood by McGreevey as he confessed his infidelity and homosexuality.
'There are at least two million marriages that break up each year because one of the spouses come out of the closet. You don’t understand unless you live it,' said Matos."
She's reneged her original pro-gay marriage stance. While I agree that her plight was indeed a difficult one and that no spouse should ever have to go through it, I'd love to disagree with her statement and say that gay people should be allowed to be married for this same reason.
If gay marriage were legal, we'd have a different attitude towards homosexuality in this country, and maybe more gay youth growing up wouldn't feel forced into the heterosexual lifestyle. Maybe Jim McGreevey wouldn't have felt pressured into marrying a woman, knowing that he could be married to a man with the same amount of happiness and love.
Legalizing Gay Marriage will, among other things, help deter gay men and women from entering loveless marriages solely to appease society's rules and regulations.
(Also, it will help decrease the number of uninsured people, removing the burden from the state. It'll also help provide loving, legally stable homes for children. Jus' sayin'.)
In crude essence, fuck you Dina Matos. You had the opportunity to rise above this, and instead you became a bitter bitch. Thanks for fuckin' up.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Insanity at its Sanest
May 22 16:37
I'm 90% sure I just saw Santa drive by- 'cept instead of a sleigh, he was in a beat up ford.
16:37 Ps all I've eaten today is 3 energy drinks and a can of pringles, so I could be wrong.
Jun 03 09:25 I just saw a woman walk into the liquor store and get a cart. It's 9:30 on a wednesday. I WANT TO BE HER....
Jun 05 18:43 Aww well thanks for thinking of me! I think of you AT ALL TIMES.
(I think this was in response to me saying I would not get you shot glasses from LA because LAX can burn in a fiery pit.)
Jun 14 10:53 Bad way to kill a Hornet in your bedroom: wrap it up in a curtain and beat it with a mug. Good way to kill a half-dead, pissed off hornet: wrap it in duct tape
10:54 and set it on fire.
Jun 15 18:09 So I'm definitely tipsy... but the kind of tipsy where I want to be dancing furiously, not causing a problem kind of tipsy. i hate being on the train right now.
(half an hour later)
Jun 15 18:33 I FEEL FANTASTIC RIGHT NOW.
These are some texts that I've sent Claudia.
Because being friends with me means being friends with an INSANE PERSON.
...you should probably be friends with me.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
...we haven't met yet
I haven't been feeling like a good person the last couple of days.
Working in Customer Service during Christmas has really drained my everything. Snow no longer means "yay! day off! woohoo!" it means insane customers yelling at me because we've run out of snowboots. Jingle Bell Rock loses it's meaning after it's 300th repetition. Spiced Cider isn't a delicious beverage, it's a jar candle we sell for $9.99, but it's on sale this week for $3.49. I have nightmares every night about work. I had an internet stalker who moonlights as a mall santa.
Christmas eve is tomorrow, and I just don't care.
In middle school, I was that kid that wore red and green for a month and wore santa hats the week leading up to christmas. Same in high school and college, but a bit more toned down.
I also found out that Whole Foods starts its employees at $10 an hour. I started at $7.50.
Customer Service has turned me into a total cynic. I make the Grinch look like Mother-fucking-Theresa (pre-heart growing). I hate when musicians make Christmas songs because I know it's just a ploy to sell more albums. All these little punk-rock Christmas songs are a way to get people to download their music. No one makes a Christmas song because they just LOVE Christmas. It's the most commercial holiday ever. At least Valentine's Day doesn't try to deny it - it knows it's a total Hallmark Holiday.
Customer Service has turned me into a difficult person to be around. I'm honestly feeling myself grow a little colder. I don't know how to have a conversation where I'm not talking about how much I hate work. When I'm not at work, all I want to do is talk to my internet friends or sleep. This isn't healthy.
All I can hope is that after Christmas, things will be a lot better for me. Maybe a little less tweakin' out. Maybe a little more stability.
...okay, that's not gonna happen. Let's try something more realistic - I hope that come February, things get a little easier for me.
I'm not a negative person though, I never have been. One of my favorite things about me has always been my positivity. I could always see the good in every situation, the best in every person, the heart of every soul. Now, I just see people as how difficult they're going to be when they approach my customer service counter. I feel gross and fat and overworked and underpaid and the bags under my eyes have bags and I'm breaking out and oh my god poor me I'm so sad.
Fuck, I'm even cynical about how cynical I am. ...that's no good.
Anyway, I miss the positive side of me. I desperately need to find that positive part of me again.
I have a few ideas of how to find Positive Alex again though.
a) find a boyfriend
b) become an alcoholic
c) punch a baby
d) become an alcoholic
e) all of the above
...what, do you have other suggestions?
that's what I thought. :-)
Working in Customer Service during Christmas has really drained my everything. Snow no longer means "yay! day off! woohoo!" it means insane customers yelling at me because we've run out of snowboots. Jingle Bell Rock loses it's meaning after it's 300th repetition. Spiced Cider isn't a delicious beverage, it's a jar candle we sell for $9.99, but it's on sale this week for $3.49. I have nightmares every night about work. I had an internet stalker who moonlights as a mall santa.
Christmas eve is tomorrow, and I just don't care.
In middle school, I was that kid that wore red and green for a month and wore santa hats the week leading up to christmas. Same in high school and college, but a bit more toned down.
I also found out that Whole Foods starts its employees at $10 an hour. I started at $7.50.
Customer Service has turned me into a total cynic. I make the Grinch look like Mother-fucking-Theresa (pre-heart growing). I hate when musicians make Christmas songs because I know it's just a ploy to sell more albums. All these little punk-rock Christmas songs are a way to get people to download their music. No one makes a Christmas song because they just LOVE Christmas. It's the most commercial holiday ever. At least Valentine's Day doesn't try to deny it - it knows it's a total Hallmark Holiday.
Customer Service has turned me into a difficult person to be around. I'm honestly feeling myself grow a little colder. I don't know how to have a conversation where I'm not talking about how much I hate work. When I'm not at work, all I want to do is talk to my internet friends or sleep. This isn't healthy.
All I can hope is that after Christmas, things will be a lot better for me. Maybe a little less tweakin' out. Maybe a little more stability.
...okay, that's not gonna happen. Let's try something more realistic - I hope that come February, things get a little easier for me.
I'm not a negative person though, I never have been. One of my favorite things about me has always been my positivity. I could always see the good in every situation, the best in every person, the heart of every soul. Now, I just see people as how difficult they're going to be when they approach my customer service counter. I feel gross and fat and overworked and underpaid and the bags under my eyes have bags and I'm breaking out and oh my god poor me I'm so sad.
Fuck, I'm even cynical about how cynical I am. ...that's no good.
Anyway, I miss the positive side of me. I desperately need to find that positive part of me again.
I have a few ideas of how to find Positive Alex again though.
a) find a boyfriend
b) become an alcoholic
c) punch a baby
d) become an alcoholic
e) all of the above
...what, do you have other suggestions?
that's what I thought. :-)
Friday, December 11, 2009
My Christmas List
Christmas!
Now that I have a few days off from work, I can actually care about it. It's hard to be excited for Christmas when it's a cause for people to get really, really nasty.
So, let's talk about what I want for christmas!!
Verizon Droid Phone
I just totally want it. My phone blows mad dicks, I'm so excited for an upgrade.
Legend Of Zelda - Spirit Tracks
I LOVE Legend of Zelda. Like... somuchyoudon'tevenknow.
Chuck Palahniuk - Haunted
This is one of my favorite books, and I think someone stole it from me or I lost it. This makes me cry everywhere.
Rob Sheffield - Love is a MixTape
This is one of the best books I've ever read. I cried throughout the whole thing... which wasn't good, because I read it when I was working at the library... while at work. ...kind of embarrassing.
iPod Touch
Do I really have to explain this one? So awesome.
Neil Gaiman - Coraline
This book is amazing! I read it before the film came out and was stunned.
The Warm Touch of Another
Woah okay where did that come from? Get that out of there! why won't my backspace/delete button work! ahh!
Wellk, if yoiu want to buy me cjhristmas presents (sorry, bcakspace is broken, can't fix typos), let me know and I'll totally give you my mailing adress - assuming you DON'T FUCKING CREEP ME. ...more on that to come.
THAKN YOU AND GOODNIGHT.
Now that I have a few days off from work, I can actually care about it. It's hard to be excited for Christmas when it's a cause for people to get really, really nasty.
So, let's talk about what I want for christmas!!
Verizon Droid Phone
I just totally want it. My phone blows mad dicks, I'm so excited for an upgrade.
Legend Of Zelda - Spirit Tracks
I LOVE Legend of Zelda. Like... somuchyoudon'tevenknow.
Chuck Palahniuk - Haunted
This is one of my favorite books, and I think someone stole it from me or I lost it. This makes me cry everywhere.
Rob Sheffield - Love is a MixTape
This is one of the best books I've ever read. I cried throughout the whole thing... which wasn't good, because I read it when I was working at the library... while at work. ...kind of embarrassing.
iPod Touch
Do I really have to explain this one? So awesome.
Neil Gaiman - Coraline
This book is amazing! I read it before the film came out and was stunned.
The Warm Touch of Another
Woah okay where did that come from? Get that out of there! why won't my backspace/delete button work! ahh!
Wellk, if yoiu want to buy me cjhristmas presents (sorry, bcakspace is broken, can't fix typos), let me know and I'll totally give you my mailing adress - assuming you DON'T FUCKING CREEP ME. ...more on that to come.
THAKN YOU AND GOODNIGHT.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Alex's Adventures in Retail (2)
I totally made a guys day yesterday :-)
Not in the pervy way, pervs.
An older (probably late forties or mid fifties) man came up to my customer service counter hoping that we had a hoodie in a different size and color. We didn't have it, but I called up one of the other stores to see if they did. While on hold for thirty-seven years, the customer and I had a really great conversation.
See, within four seconds I could tell that he was gay, so I was immediately more comfortable with him. Especially once he said that he was wearing a girls hoodie under his jacket, I knew I was fine.
I made no indication that I, too, was gay, because it didn't warrant in the situation. I don't run around talking about how gay I am. I think some of my coworkers know... I think others want me to date Dani.
Anyways, we got talking about how I went to college and what I want to do with it, which is couples therapy. Twice now I've been asked if I'd be comfortable working with "all types of couples". Each time I'm asked this, they're always wondering if I'm comfortable working with gay couples. When this guy asked, I said "Absolutely. A couple is a couple, and if they have issues, then I've no problem working with them."
He got a really big smile on his face.
He got happy because he heard someone say "I don't see the difference. There is no difference between gay and straight couples." These things are commonplace in people my age, but I think the older generation needs to hear it more often. Of course, I think this man thought I was heterosexual, which is strange considering my purple flannel and sweatervest, but I'm kind of that right-in-the-middle kind of gay where you're like "...well is he or isn't he?" So this man probably wasn't sure, but seemed to be thrilled to have someone work with him that understood him. We never could get the other store to help out (the men's associate on duty couldn't get off of the register) but I did the best I could, and in the end the customer was satisfied.
We need more straight male allies though. So many straight men are afraid to come forward in support because in the straight male community, that marks you as gay yourself, which is negative. Straight men have just as many if not more social guidelines as gay men. Straight men get football, Gay men get Lady Gaga. Sure, there's some crossover... well, Gay men can cross over. Heck, it's a turn on if a gay man likes sports for something other than tight abs and short shorts. If a straight man likes Lady Gaga because her music has a great beat.... GAY. Sure, I get yelled at for not liking Madonna and not knowing the choreography to every Britney Spears song, but in the long run no gay is going to mark me as an outcast because I've never seen To Wong Fu, Thanks for Everything Julie Newmar and don't particularly want to. Straight men have very strict social guidelines and heaven forbid they be breached in any way. That's why it's so rare to see a straight man come out in support of the homosexual community, and whenever it happens, we have this bad habit of worshiping them... and they kind of deserve it.
Thank you, heterosexual community, for without your support, we'd just be dog-fuckers.
Not in the pervy way, pervs.
An older (probably late forties or mid fifties) man came up to my customer service counter hoping that we had a hoodie in a different size and color. We didn't have it, but I called up one of the other stores to see if they did. While on hold for thirty-seven years, the customer and I had a really great conversation.
See, within four seconds I could tell that he was gay, so I was immediately more comfortable with him. Especially once he said that he was wearing a girls hoodie under his jacket, I knew I was fine.
I made no indication that I, too, was gay, because it didn't warrant in the situation. I don't run around talking about how gay I am. I think some of my coworkers know... I think others want me to date Dani.
Anyways, we got talking about how I went to college and what I want to do with it, which is couples therapy. Twice now I've been asked if I'd be comfortable working with "all types of couples". Each time I'm asked this, they're always wondering if I'm comfortable working with gay couples. When this guy asked, I said "Absolutely. A couple is a couple, and if they have issues, then I've no problem working with them."
He got a really big smile on his face.
He got happy because he heard someone say "I don't see the difference. There is no difference between gay and straight couples." These things are commonplace in people my age, but I think the older generation needs to hear it more often. Of course, I think this man thought I was heterosexual, which is strange considering my purple flannel and sweatervest, but I'm kind of that right-in-the-middle kind of gay where you're like "...well is he or isn't he?" So this man probably wasn't sure, but seemed to be thrilled to have someone work with him that understood him. We never could get the other store to help out (the men's associate on duty couldn't get off of the register) but I did the best I could, and in the end the customer was satisfied.
We need more straight male allies though. So many straight men are afraid to come forward in support because in the straight male community, that marks you as gay yourself, which is negative. Straight men have just as many if not more social guidelines as gay men. Straight men get football, Gay men get Lady Gaga. Sure, there's some crossover... well, Gay men can cross over. Heck, it's a turn on if a gay man likes sports for something other than tight abs and short shorts. If a straight man likes Lady Gaga because her music has a great beat.... GAY. Sure, I get yelled at for not liking Madonna and not knowing the choreography to every Britney Spears song, but in the long run no gay is going to mark me as an outcast because I've never seen To Wong Fu, Thanks for Everything Julie Newmar and don't particularly want to. Straight men have very strict social guidelines and heaven forbid they be breached in any way. That's why it's so rare to see a straight man come out in support of the homosexual community, and whenever it happens, we have this bad habit of worshiping them... and they kind of deserve it.
Thank you, heterosexual community, for without your support, we'd just be dog-fuckers.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Alex's Adventures in Retail
Wow! I have ten followers! I am truly flattered! :-)
I'm so sorry I haven't blogged in like eight years. I just started this new retail job. I'm working customer service at Kohl's.
Kohl's, by the way, is an amazing store. It really, really is. I absolutely love the store, the products, the return policy, and especially my managers and coworkers. My store has the absolute most amazing group of people committed to the store, the customers, and most importantly, each other. I've made a couple friends here that I know I will have as friends for life.
The customers, however, are the dumbest, rudest, dishonest, confused, and disheartening group of people I've ever worked with.
Okay, that's not true. Approximately 80% of the customers are not a problem. They're kind, they're patient, and they understand if something isn't going to work out quite how they expected or hoped. Of that 80%, 24% or so are downright amazing (20% of 100%). They laugh, they smile, they joke, sometimes they even help me do my job correctly. A good chunk of this 24% is made up of husbands who couldn't give less of a fuck about what happens, because "[they're] the patient, [I'm] the doctor," what happens happens, and they'll take what they can get. They're sent by their wives who they wish would just shut the fuck up. They're thrilled to be out of the house, and can't even believe how quick, easy, and painless it is to do returns at Kohl's. I love husbands!
But for every easy-to-please husband and jovial middle-aged housewife, we have a horrible customer. That last 20% of people are horrible, horrible people.
It's the woman who, no matter how many times you explain it to her, insists that she get the full return price of the item, despite getting a 30% discount of her original purchase.
It's the Indian woman (I'm sorry, they always are) who buys a bunch of items with a gift card and then tries to return them for cash, and gets upset when I have to return it as in-store credit.
It's the eighty-year old woman who comes in four times in the same week to scream at me about rebates and credit fraud, accepting no answer as a correct answer despite having spoken to several managers.
It's the Indian man (I'm sorry, they always are) who wants to return receiptless, tagless, washed and worn pants purchased in 2003 that reek of curry and mothballs.
It's the 27 year old mother of two toddlers who returns clearly heavily worn shoes.
It's the 60 year old man who returns a watch that stopped working... a watch he purchased 25 years ago.
I'm not going to tell you if we were able to help these people or not, because I don't want you turning into them. It's very tempting to become a total asshole. The people behind the customer service desk are real people. We're real people with real lives... and quite frankly, we don't care about you. I know it's the harsh truth - we just don't care about you. Think about it - we're a corporation. We care about your money - of course we'll bend over backwards for you. We want to get paid. Of course, this "caring" trickles down to us, in customer service. We're trained to genuinely care about you, so that you keep coming back, and corporate headquarters can genuinely care about your money.
Me? I care. Everyone else at customer service cares too. That's the scary part - we really do. Who we care for, though, are the 80% that help make our day a little better. The 80% of you that understand that we're not your bitch, and that we are there to do our jobs the best we possibly can, we applaud you, and take care of you with all the enthusiasm we're able to muster. I feel bad when I've had a bad customer, and it's left me so discouraged that I can't great and treat you with proper enthusiasm and positivity. That happened to me today - after an onslaught of cruel customers clearly sent from Hades to make my day a living hell, we had a few customers who really were a delight to work with, but the most I could muster up was a half-hearted hello and a forged smile.
If you're one of those petty patrons out to be a downer on my day, don't. Stay at home - take out your soreness and spite on some other soul, but leave mine out of it. My job entails getting shit on for eight hours a day, I don't need your beef on top of it.
The next time you go into a retail place - JCPenny's, Macy's, Wal*Mart, Target, Kohl's, etc., I want you to do something for me. I want you to go to their customer service counter, and I want you to say:
"I just want to say that you're doing an amazing job. Keep your head up, okay?"
Sometimes, that's all we need to hear.
I'm so sorry I haven't blogged in like eight years. I just started this new retail job. I'm working customer service at Kohl's.
Kohl's, by the way, is an amazing store. It really, really is. I absolutely love the store, the products, the return policy, and especially my managers and coworkers. My store has the absolute most amazing group of people committed to the store, the customers, and most importantly, each other. I've made a couple friends here that I know I will have as friends for life.
The customers, however, are the dumbest, rudest, dishonest, confused, and disheartening group of people I've ever worked with.
Okay, that's not true. Approximately 80% of the customers are not a problem. They're kind, they're patient, and they understand if something isn't going to work out quite how they expected or hoped. Of that 80%, 24% or so are downright amazing (20% of 100%). They laugh, they smile, they joke, sometimes they even help me do my job correctly. A good chunk of this 24% is made up of husbands who couldn't give less of a fuck about what happens, because "[they're] the patient, [I'm] the doctor," what happens happens, and they'll take what they can get. They're sent by their wives who they wish would just shut the fuck up. They're thrilled to be out of the house, and can't even believe how quick, easy, and painless it is to do returns at Kohl's. I love husbands!
But for every easy-to-please husband and jovial middle-aged housewife, we have a horrible customer. That last 20% of people are horrible, horrible people.
It's the woman who, no matter how many times you explain it to her, insists that she get the full return price of the item, despite getting a 30% discount of her original purchase.
It's the Indian woman (I'm sorry, they always are) who buys a bunch of items with a gift card and then tries to return them for cash, and gets upset when I have to return it as in-store credit.
It's the eighty-year old woman who comes in four times in the same week to scream at me about rebates and credit fraud, accepting no answer as a correct answer despite having spoken to several managers.
It's the Indian man (I'm sorry, they always are) who wants to return receiptless, tagless, washed and worn pants purchased in 2003 that reek of curry and mothballs.
It's the 27 year old mother of two toddlers who returns clearly heavily worn shoes.
It's the 60 year old man who returns a watch that stopped working... a watch he purchased 25 years ago.
I'm not going to tell you if we were able to help these people or not, because I don't want you turning into them. It's very tempting to become a total asshole. The people behind the customer service desk are real people. We're real people with real lives... and quite frankly, we don't care about you. I know it's the harsh truth - we just don't care about you. Think about it - we're a corporation. We care about your money - of course we'll bend over backwards for you. We want to get paid. Of course, this "caring" trickles down to us, in customer service. We're trained to genuinely care about you, so that you keep coming back, and corporate headquarters can genuinely care about your money.
Me? I care. Everyone else at customer service cares too. That's the scary part - we really do. Who we care for, though, are the 80% that help make our day a little better. The 80% of you that understand that we're not your bitch, and that we are there to do our jobs the best we possibly can, we applaud you, and take care of you with all the enthusiasm we're able to muster. I feel bad when I've had a bad customer, and it's left me so discouraged that I can't great and treat you with proper enthusiasm and positivity. That happened to me today - after an onslaught of cruel customers clearly sent from Hades to make my day a living hell, we had a few customers who really were a delight to work with, but the most I could muster up was a half-hearted hello and a forged smile.
If you're one of those petty patrons out to be a downer on my day, don't. Stay at home - take out your soreness and spite on some other soul, but leave mine out of it. My job entails getting shit on for eight hours a day, I don't need your beef on top of it.
The next time you go into a retail place - JCPenny's, Macy's, Wal*Mart, Target, Kohl's, etc., I want you to do something for me. I want you to go to their customer service counter, and I want you to say:
"I just want to say that you're doing an amazing job. Keep your head up, okay?"
Sometimes, that's all we need to hear.
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