Get the London Look

Let's talk.

Let's talk, specifically about the annoying girl who fakes a british accent because she thinks she's cool.

She says she's "just stuck in it" but really, watched Harry Potter six hundred fucking times in order to study their accent (she still fucks it up.)

She also brings up kissing, the bathroom, and bad situations just so she can say "Snogging", the "Loo" (which is Australian anyway), and "Bullocks" or "Bugger".

Did I mention she's also watched Pirates of the Carribean one too many times, and she's wearing a black hello kitty shirt with a torn up skirt and combat boots?

Fucking goth-ass eighteen year olds.

...not that I've ever met a girl like that...
...
...
...

but this hypothetical girl, let's just say she spends her time in the Game Room at Arcadia University sometimes.

...hypothetically.

Everyone knows her accent is pitiful and fucking annoying, but they just don't know how to tell her. It's not even that it's a good accent, or she legitimately got stuck in it cuz she's had a few or she just got back from three years in London and picked it up a bit and is just waiting for it to go away...

NO. It's a poorly done fake british accent that's overly breathy and sounds like Drew Barrymore in Ever After, which was probably this girl's favorite fucking movie since it came out when she was fucking six.

She's definitely going abroad to London either this coming spring or in the fall of her sophomore year, because that's where she feels she truly, truly belongs. She'll go, and everyone there will snub her, and she won't understand why, since her London accent is so good and she blends in with them so well, she can't figure out how they know she's American.

But for now, she'll spend her time playing pool with people who don't have the heart to tell her she's an ignorant twat who doesn't fucking know how to be herself in any sense of the word, so she hides behind dark eyeliner and hello kitty and a FAKE. FUCKING. BRITISH. ACCENT.

Hypothetically.

xoxo, Gossip Girl

In light news, Imogen Heap is the strangest person I've ever followed on twitter. Earlier today, she posted this lovely picture of herself stuck in traffic.

Yes, the beloved performer of hits such as "Let Go" from the Garden State soundtrack, as well as sytycd megahits "Hide and Seek" and "The Moment I Said It..."...is a complete nut.

She later posted "I highly recommend walking round as a clown one day out of context. It is immensly good fun!"

You know what Imogen? I 100% believe you.... but this is a "let's not and say we didn't" situation.

In vagina news (cue soundclip - "It's Vagina!!" a la Joel McHale)
Lady Gaga is Intersexed. That's right, Lady Gaga has a tiny, tiny penis along with her Vajay. A while ago, a clip appeared online showing what appeared to be Lady Gaga's... penis. I assumed it was just her flesh colored underwear and bad lighting... but apparently I was mistaken.

"Its not something that I'm ashamed of, just isn't something that i go around telling everyone. Yes. I have both male and female genitalia, but i consider myself a female. Its just a little bit of a penis and really doesnt interfere much with my life. the reason I haven't talked about it is that its not a big deal to me. like come on. its not like we all go around talking about our vags. I think this is a great opportunity to make other multiple gendered people feel more comfortable with their bodies. I'm sexy, I'm hot. i have both a poon and a peener. big fucking deal.
- L8d Gaga <3>"
(Lady Gaga's blog, as reported by Starrtrash )

Later that week, she tweeted
"Love you Japan! Pokerface just went #1! Thanku!!. My show was so good last night. I just had to go home and suck my own hermie dick, suckka"

Somehow, I wasn't terribly shocked by this news. I'm kind of excited about this though. Hopefully, it'll bring more light to Intersexed Americans across the country... I guarantee we'll get a whole lot of "Wait, she was so hot in that one video! Does that make me gay?" *cough that's what starrtrash said* People are going to say "well what are we supposed to call it? Monsieur Gaga? Monster Gaga?"
No, she's not a dude and NO, it doesn't make you Gay. Lady Gaga quite clearly is a female. Yeah, she's got a bit more skin in a certain place than most girls you've met, but that doesn't make her a man. You're only gay if you like her peener more than her poon... and even then, you're probably insane for trying to hook up with Lady Gaga anyway.
Yes, she's intersexed, but seeing as how she goes by Lady Gaga, it's fair to assume she'd like to be thought of as a Lady. Her Gaga to Peen ratio is still 10:1, so let her be.

You know what other news won't be exciting? When we find out she's actually a mental patient that managed to escape. Her real name is Florence Mattinson (which I completely made up... or did I?) and she's got to be tranquilized to get her back in the home.

I'm a genius.

::edit::
While the tweet was real, I'm under the impression that Starrtrash may be a laugh blog, and not 100% truthful. More to come.

Handerpants

Handerpants.

Simply, the greatest invention in the history of all time.
Legit.
I want Thirty-Two pairs.

A not-so-silly post...

Today, my father yelled at me because I "have no direction, no future" because I have no job and still live at home. I just graduated college in May and have been out of a job for a week. FML.

I am getting really sick and tired of being treated like I've done something wrong. Out of his four kids, I'm the best one, hands down, but apparently I've "treated [them] like shit since [I] was fifteen."
Nevermind his two daughters from his prior marriage that only speak to him when it's their kids birthdays. Nevermind that Railyn had her first kid at sixteen, then proceeded to have four more by two different daddies. Nevermind that Natalie was pregnant at both of her big, white weddings. Ironically, Natalie is the only family member that's told me she's proud of me; actually, she's the only one that seems to show interest in what I'm doing - and that was just from one simple facebook message. When Railyn messages me, it feels like she's trying to use me to extort sympathy from my dad, so that she can get to him.
My family's pretty fucked up.
Then theres my younger brother. I constantly get from my mother, "well we have no money to send Chris to school," indicating it's my fault that Chris won't be going to a four-year-college in the fall. Nevermind the fact that his high school had to fudge his grades so he'd graduate. Oh no, it's my fault Chris is kinda-sorta going to community college without a major. Completely my fault.
I feel like I'm the only person that didn't just "go-with-the-flow." Mom got her degree in Physical Education which she never used, she just kept working at her father's gym. Dad got his associates in Civil Engineering - because that's what every kid wants to do when they grow up. Natalie never went to college and Railyn got her G.E.D. I actually followed my dreams - went to my dream college, got a degree in a subject that truly interests me... I don't think I did too bad.

And how do I treat my family like shit? I mean honestly, in comparison to the other kids, I'm the least high maintenance. For starters, he never had to pay Child Support for me. I've never once asked him to get Christmas Presents for my kids- OH WAIT. I had the decency not to knock anyone up (not that it would happen to me by accident... but that's not the point.) Yeah, I may not do much around the house, but I'm pretty low-impact. I don't leave my room for the most part.
And don't try and say "well maybe that's part of it." Growing up, we didn't have "family time." We had "Dad watches TV and we watch whatever Dad's watching" time. My family never wanted "family time." Quite frankly, we're not a family, and this isn't a home. We're four people that hate each other stuck in the same house.

Dad's been pretty clear for a long time that he wants us out of the house. Even when we got rid of a bunch of furniture because we were getting new stuff, he said "Susie, we should keep it like this." "Ray... there's only two chairs." "I know."
Everytime we turn around, he wants to kick us out for things like not taking out the trash. Yes, you read that correctly. Not taking out the trash is eviction-worthy.
But Mom knows that neither Chris nor I are financially stable, so she tells my dad "no, you can't kick the boys out."
So now he just threatens to leave her.


At this point, there are only two situations I see for my future family.
Either I will love them tremeandously and show my kids more love than they know what to do with...
Or I refuse to have a family, because I've seen how families can go wrong and I don't want my kids to suffer through that.
After today, the second one seems more likely.