Showing posts with label wtf?. Show all posts
Showing posts with label wtf?. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Get the London Look
Let's talk.
Let's talk, specifically about the annoying girl who fakes a british accent because she thinks she's cool.
She says she's "just stuck in it" but really, watched Harry Potter six hundred fucking times in order to study their accent (she still fucks it up.)
She also brings up kissing, the bathroom, and bad situations just so she can say "Snogging", the "Loo" (which is Australian anyway), and "Bullocks" or "Bugger".
Did I mention she's also watched Pirates of the Carribean one too many times, and she's wearing a black hello kitty shirt with a torn up skirt and combat boots?
Fucking goth-ass eighteen year olds.
...not that I've ever met a girl like that...
...
...
...
but this hypothetical girl, let's just say she spends her time in the Game Room at Arcadia University sometimes.
...hypothetically.
Everyone knows her accent is pitiful and fucking annoying, but they just don't know how to tell her. It's not even that it's a good accent, or she legitimately got stuck in it cuz she's had a few or she just got back from three years in London and picked it up a bit and is just waiting for it to go away...
NO. It's a poorly done fake british accent that's overly breathy and sounds like Drew Barrymore in Ever After, which was probably this girl's favorite fucking movie since it came out when she was fucking six.
She's definitely going abroad to London either this coming spring or in the fall of her sophomore year, because that's where she feels she truly, truly belongs. She'll go, and everyone there will snub her, and she won't understand why, since her London accent is so good and she blends in with them so well, she can't figure out how they know she's American.
But for now, she'll spend her time playing pool with people who don't have the heart to tell her she's an ignorant twat who doesn't fucking know how to be herself in any sense of the word, so she hides behind dark eyeliner and hello kitty and a FAKE. FUCKING. BRITISH. ACCENT.
Hypothetically.
Let's talk, specifically about the annoying girl who fakes a british accent because she thinks she's cool.
She says she's "just stuck in it" but really, watched Harry Potter six hundred fucking times in order to study their accent (she still fucks it up.)
She also brings up kissing, the bathroom, and bad situations just so she can say "Snogging", the "Loo" (which is Australian anyway), and "Bullocks" or "Bugger".
Did I mention she's also watched Pirates of the Carribean one too many times, and she's wearing a black hello kitty shirt with a torn up skirt and combat boots?
Fucking goth-ass eighteen year olds.
...not that I've ever met a girl like that...
...
...
...
but this hypothetical girl, let's just say she spends her time in the Game Room at Arcadia University sometimes.
...hypothetically.
Everyone knows her accent is pitiful and fucking annoying, but they just don't know how to tell her. It's not even that it's a good accent, or she legitimately got stuck in it cuz she's had a few or she just got back from three years in London and picked it up a bit and is just waiting for it to go away...
NO. It's a poorly done fake british accent that's overly breathy and sounds like Drew Barrymore in Ever After, which was probably this girl's favorite fucking movie since it came out when she was fucking six.
She's definitely going abroad to London either this coming spring or in the fall of her sophomore year, because that's where she feels she truly, truly belongs. She'll go, and everyone there will snub her, and she won't understand why, since her London accent is so good and she blends in with them so well, she can't figure out how they know she's American.
But for now, she'll spend her time playing pool with people who don't have the heart to tell her she's an ignorant twat who doesn't fucking know how to be herself in any sense of the word, so she hides behind dark eyeliner and hello kitty and a FAKE. FUCKING. BRITISH. ACCENT.
Hypothetically.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Thunderpants, Assemble!
How in God's Fuck did we miss this amazing movie?!
"Thunderpants is a 2002 family film about a boy whose incredible capacity for flatulence gets him a job as an astronaut." - Wikipedia
Patrick Smash was born with two stomachs which makes him "uncontrollably and devastatingly flatulent."
Patrick Smash is, of course, the fat kid in the astronaut suit.
Do you know who the nerdy motherfucker on the right is?
Allen A. Alan, aka Rupert Grint aka RON FUCKING WEASLEY OMG.
Also in the movie?
Paul Giamatti and Keira Knightly WHAT THE EFF??
I know, I know, I can't believe any of this either, but it's right there on Wikipedia. You gotta check this shit out.
Thunderpants on Wikipedia
Anyone wanna watch this with me?
"Thunderpants is a 2002 family film about a boy whose incredible capacity for flatulence gets him a job as an astronaut." - WikipediaPatrick Smash was born with two stomachs which makes him "uncontrollably and devastatingly flatulent."
Patrick Smash is, of course, the fat kid in the astronaut suit.
Do you know who the nerdy motherfucker on the right is?
Allen A. Alan, aka Rupert Grint aka RON FUCKING WEASLEY OMG.
Also in the movie?
Paul Giamatti and Keira Knightly WHAT THE EFF??
I know, I know, I can't believe any of this either, but it's right there on Wikipedia. You gotta check this shit out.
Thunderpants on Wikipedia
Anyone wanna watch this with me?
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Shrinkage
Shrink.
Shrink.
from UrbanDictionary
Shrink.
Personally, I hate being called a "Shrink" and I hope you can understand why. "Shrink" makes it sound like my sole purpose is to make you feel like crap... which I'm pretty sure is the last thing a good Psychologist wants to do. It also sounds like our job is to decompose you, break you down and whittle you til' we get what we want - a diagnosis. Psychologists understand more than anyone how complex a human is, and we like it that way. We wouldn't work with you if we didn't.
Psychology is the least understood professions. On TV, we're represented one of three ways:
1. Stuck up, prissy, and kind of dumb - missing the obvious in favor of something subtle.
2. "I'm too manly and awesome to go to the company therapist - therapy is for the weak minded. (1o minutes later) Waaaahhh Therapist! I'm so sad and you've truly brought out the real me!!"
3. Fucking Mind Readers.
Media is probably the number one reason we're so misrepresented. Believe it or not, we're human - we just understand the human mind a bit better than the average person. We're hardly stable ourselves; we all gots problems. Thing is, we're trained to help other people with their problems, and a good therapist does a good job - and I've been told I'm a pretty good therapist.
So please... stop calling us shrinks. Respect our profession; I don't call accountants "Penny Scrapers," I don't make lawyer jokes, I don't ask actors where they wait tables, I don't ask bio kids why they aren't going to medical school, I don't tell IPCR kids that their profession is going to get them killed, and I'm sure as hell not gonna tell an english major they're wasting their degree.
So don't be a dick. Don't call me a "shrink." I prefer "psychologist," "therapist," or "most attractive man I've ever seen."
Shrink.
from UrbanDictionary
| shrink | 281 up, 25 down   | |
| 1. verb: to decrease in size 2. a psychiatrist or mental doctor 1. the cold water made my balls shrink 2. that crazy bitch should go see a shrink | ||
| shrink | 187 up, 11 down | |
| a therapist; comes from "brain shrinker" My shrink says I have an Oedipal complex. | ||
| shrink | 133 up, 81 down | |
| That damn stranger who keeps coming to my house whenever my parents believe im crazy. *goes to a corner and holds his knees rocking back and forth, eye-twitching* Parents: Damnit! We're calling the shrink again! | ||
| shrink | 81 up, 48 down | |
| Someone who matches your symptoms to whatever random disorder they've just pulled out of their ass. My shrink told me I get SAD over winter and now I have to sell my car so she can tell me how much I suck each week. | ||
| Shrink | 3 up, 4 down | |
| A therapist, one in the mental health profession, a "headshrinker" Dude, I can't go out tomorrow night, I gotta meet with my shrink, he thinks I am depressed | ||
| shrink | 29 up, 68 down | |
| someone to "help" you with yoru problems The mistake most of us make is that the state appointed shirnks are our "friends" | ||
Shrink.
Personally, I hate being called a "Shrink" and I hope you can understand why. "Shrink" makes it sound like my sole purpose is to make you feel like crap... which I'm pretty sure is the last thing a good Psychologist wants to do. It also sounds like our job is to decompose you, break you down and whittle you til' we get what we want - a diagnosis. Psychologists understand more than anyone how complex a human is, and we like it that way. We wouldn't work with you if we didn't.
Psychology is the least understood professions. On TV, we're represented one of three ways:
1. Stuck up, prissy, and kind of dumb - missing the obvious in favor of something subtle.
2. "I'm too manly and awesome to go to the company therapist - therapy is for the weak minded. (1o minutes later) Waaaahhh Therapist! I'm so sad and you've truly brought out the real me!!"
3. Fucking Mind Readers.
Media is probably the number one reason we're so misrepresented. Believe it or not, we're human - we just understand the human mind a bit better than the average person. We're hardly stable ourselves; we all gots problems. Thing is, we're trained to help other people with their problems, and a good therapist does a good job - and I've been told I'm a pretty good therapist.
So please... stop calling us shrinks. Respect our profession; I don't call accountants "Penny Scrapers," I don't make lawyer jokes, I don't ask actors where they wait tables, I don't ask bio kids why they aren't going to medical school, I don't tell IPCR kids that their profession is going to get them killed, and I'm sure as hell not gonna tell an english major they're wasting their degree.
So don't be a dick. Don't call me a "shrink." I prefer "psychologist," "therapist," or "most attractive man I've ever seen."
Friday, July 31, 2009
what the eff?
What do murder, pedophilia, suicide and a baby tiger have in common? They have all been used to sell stuff in these amazingly disturbing vintage ads!
These are real, untouched advertisements from the good old days. It doesn't matter if it's lovely ladies or adorable clowns, somehow these old-time ad wizards found ways to traumatize us while peddling everyday products.
Enjoy them now, call your therapist later!
15. White Bread Demon
"Bread is swell, but what I'm really excited about is eating jelly made from the blood of the innocent!"
These are real, untouched advertisements from the good old days. It doesn't matter if it's lovely ladies or adorable clowns, somehow these old-time ad wizards found ways to traumatize us while peddling everyday products.
Enjoy them now, call your therapist later!
15. White Bread Demon
"Bread is swell, but what I'm really excited about is eating jelly made from the blood of the innocent!"
14. French Suicide Sausage
It's enough to make you want to eat Kosher forever.
13. A Girl Around The House
It's nice to have a girl around the house... especially if you are a psychopath serial killer who makes women into rugs!
12. Chubby
Who needs self-esteem when you can have a free fashion book for chubbies? Also, proving that advertising weight representation has always been screwed up, the girl pictured is totally not chubby.
11. Christmas Weapons
The family that guns together, has funs together.
10. Eye patch. Shirt. Baby Tiger
Sexy?
9. Chase & Sandborn Spanking
She totally deserves it. Seriously, what kind of woman doesn't "store test" for fresher coffee?
8. Fry's Chocolate Nightmare
Nothing wants to make consumers buy chocolate more than 5 faces of a sickly kid looking 5 different shades of miserable.
7. Root Beer Baby!
Mama, please DO NOT give your baby another glass of Root Beer. It is clearly doing something horrible to him. He is terrifying.
6. Locked Out
You better wash out your privates with Lysol, or your husband will install cartoon locks on the door.
5. Pears Soap Disaster
"Pears Soap- now with such a soothing lather, you won't notice that your baby has gotten into a horrible accident!"
4. Postage Meter Murder
"Is it always illegal to kill a woman?" This is a truly important question and makes us want to buy a new postage meter.
3. Shave Yourself
The old man baby's gonna sing karaoke into a razor! Hooray!
2. Baby Soft
JonBenét Ramsey, eat your heart out. (Too soon?) This ad makes us want to scream, gouge out our eyes and then barf.
1. Chocolate Poulain
Drink that cocoa, or this clown will murder you in your sleep.
Saturday, July 11, 2009
A not-so-silly post...
Today, my father yelled at me because I "have no direction, no future" because I have no job and still live at home. I just graduated college in May and have been out of a job for a week. FML.
I am getting really sick and tired of being treated like I've done something wrong. Out of his four kids, I'm the best one, hands down, but apparently I've "treated [them] like shit since [I] was fifteen."
Nevermind his two daughters from his prior marriage that only speak to him when it's their kids birthdays. Nevermind that Railyn had her first kid at sixteen, then proceeded to have four more by two different daddies. Nevermind that Natalie was pregnant at both of her big, white weddings. Ironically, Natalie is the only family member that's told me she's proud of me; actually, she's the only one that seems to show interest in what I'm doing - and that was just from one simple facebook message. When Railyn messages me, it feels like she's trying to use me to extort sympathy from my dad, so that she can get to him.
My family's pretty fucked up.
Then theres my younger brother. I constantly get from my mother, "well we have no money to send Chris to school," indicating it's my fault that Chris won't be going to a four-year-college in the fall. Nevermind the fact that his high school had to fudge his grades so he'd graduate. Oh no, it's my fault Chris is kinda-sorta going to community college without a major. Completely my fault.
I feel like I'm the only person that didn't just "go-with-the-flow." Mom got her degree in Physical Education which she never used, she just kept working at her father's gym. Dad got his associates in Civil Engineering - because that's what every kid wants to do when they grow up. Natalie never went to college and Railyn got her G.E.D. I actually followed my dreams - went to my dream college, got a degree in a subject that truly interests me... I don't think I did too bad.
And how do I treat my family like shit? I mean honestly, in comparison to the other kids, I'm the least high maintenance. For starters, he never had to pay Child Support for me. I've never once asked him to get Christmas Presents for my kids- OH WAIT. I had the decency not to knock anyone up (not that it would happen to me by accident... but that's not the point.) Yeah, I may not do much around the house, but I'm pretty low-impact. I don't leave my room for the most part.
And don't try and say "well maybe that's part of it." Growing up, we didn't have "family time." We had "Dad watches TV and we watch whatever Dad's watching" time. My family never wanted "family time." Quite frankly, we're not a family, and this isn't a home. We're four people that hate each other stuck in the same house.
Dad's been pretty clear for a long time that he wants us out of the house. Even when we got rid of a bunch of furniture because we were getting new stuff, he said "Susie, we should keep it like this." "Ray... there's only two chairs." "I know."
Everytime we turn around, he wants to kick us out for things like not taking out the trash. Yes, you read that correctly. Not taking out the trash is eviction-worthy.
But Mom knows that neither Chris nor I are financially stable, so she tells my dad "no, you can't kick the boys out."
So now he just threatens to leave her.
At this point, there are only two situations I see for my future family.
Either I will love them tremeandously and show my kids more love than they know what to do with...
Or I refuse to have a family, because I've seen how families can go wrong and I don't want my kids to suffer through that.
After today, the second one seems more likely.
I am getting really sick and tired of being treated like I've done something wrong. Out of his four kids, I'm the best one, hands down, but apparently I've "treated [them] like shit since [I] was fifteen."
Nevermind his two daughters from his prior marriage that only speak to him when it's their kids birthdays. Nevermind that Railyn had her first kid at sixteen, then proceeded to have four more by two different daddies. Nevermind that Natalie was pregnant at both of her big, white weddings. Ironically, Natalie is the only family member that's told me she's proud of me; actually, she's the only one that seems to show interest in what I'm doing - and that was just from one simple facebook message. When Railyn messages me, it feels like she's trying to use me to extort sympathy from my dad, so that she can get to him.
My family's pretty fucked up.
Then theres my younger brother. I constantly get from my mother, "well we have no money to send Chris to school," indicating it's my fault that Chris won't be going to a four-year-college in the fall. Nevermind the fact that his high school had to fudge his grades so he'd graduate. Oh no, it's my fault Chris is kinda-sorta going to community college without a major. Completely my fault.
I feel like I'm the only person that didn't just "go-with-the-flow." Mom got her degree in Physical Education which she never used, she just kept working at her father's gym. Dad got his associates in Civil Engineering - because that's what every kid wants to do when they grow up. Natalie never went to college and Railyn got her G.E.D. I actually followed my dreams - went to my dream college, got a degree in a subject that truly interests me... I don't think I did too bad.
And how do I treat my family like shit? I mean honestly, in comparison to the other kids, I'm the least high maintenance. For starters, he never had to pay Child Support for me. I've never once asked him to get Christmas Presents for my kids- OH WAIT. I had the decency not to knock anyone up (not that it would happen to me by accident... but that's not the point.) Yeah, I may not do much around the house, but I'm pretty low-impact. I don't leave my room for the most part.
And don't try and say "well maybe that's part of it." Growing up, we didn't have "family time." We had "Dad watches TV and we watch whatever Dad's watching" time. My family never wanted "family time." Quite frankly, we're not a family, and this isn't a home. We're four people that hate each other stuck in the same house.
Dad's been pretty clear for a long time that he wants us out of the house. Even when we got rid of a bunch of furniture because we were getting new stuff, he said "Susie, we should keep it like this." "Ray... there's only two chairs." "I know."
Everytime we turn around, he wants to kick us out for things like not taking out the trash. Yes, you read that correctly. Not taking out the trash is eviction-worthy.
But Mom knows that neither Chris nor I are financially stable, so she tells my dad "no, you can't kick the boys out."
So now he just threatens to leave her.
At this point, there are only two situations I see for my future family.
Either I will love them tremeandously and show my kids more love than they know what to do with...
Or I refuse to have a family, because I've seen how families can go wrong and I don't want my kids to suffer through that.
After today, the second one seems more likely.
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