That's not 100% true, but there is an aspect of truth to it.
You see, gay men and women don't make fun of us for being gay. For the most part, straight women don't either. Straight men, however, are generally the ones making fun of gay people for being gay. Sure, not all of you do it, but it's still members of your population. It'd be like if only some bears eat people, but you're never sure which bears eat people, or which will say they don't eat people to your face but then have a people-roast behind your back when hanging out with other bears.
Maybe I shouldn't have used "Bears," I might have just made that paragraph really confusing.
"But you're taking out specific frustrations on the whole of a population" a straight person may say. We all do it, it's nature. It's conditioning. I had a black teacher once who told me that she legit has a phobia of white men in business suits because one time, she got fired by three of them for being "too ambitious." (Frankly, I think they were just trying to let her down easy - this woman was dumb az.) There was a man that once brought a gun into a gay bar and killed a good chunk of the patrons. Why? His last name was "Gay", and because of how the term is used today, all of his sons changed their last name, which upset this man to the point that he shot up a gay bar. Because, you know, it's our fault. (Personally, I very rarely say I'm "Gay" - I say "I like guys" or "I'm into dudes," something like that, unless people are very confused. Yes, people get confused. "So wait... you're bi?" "...no, like all-the-way gay." "Really?" "...yes? You... didn't know?" "...huh. no, I guess not." Some people can tell from a mile away, some have no idea. Maybe those people just think I'm weird.)
And about gay guys having this obsession with wanting to fuck a straight guy?
Don't get me wrong, I've crushed on a few of my straight friends - but not because they're straight. It's because of who they are. I like their personalities, or I think they're really pretty. It's sort of like the concept that men and women can't be friends because that sexual attraction will always be there - except you can think of it more like a straight guy being friends with an ugly chick. Sure, she may be attracted to him, but he'll never be into her so you just don't worry about it. Now, there are some gay men that feel that all straight guys are just closet cases just dying to come out, but trust me, it's all just wishful thinking. (Bee tee dubs, I am not one of those guys.) However, you can see why we're sometimes hesitant to get close to a straight guy - we don't want to fall for you and know we'll get rejected before we even think of making a move.
So, straight guys - we don't hate you! ...we just find you kind of intimidating. We don't know if you'll hate on us or if we'll fall in love with you. But for the most part, we don't always know what to talk about with you guys. I don't know if I'm supposed to stifle how gay I am, if I can talk about guys I like or ex-boyfriends or celebs I think are attractive. I can talk about this stuff with my girl friends, but I always have this nagging thought of "does this maybe actually gross him out?"
Because you see, in a heteronormative society, talking about guys you think are hot is "flaunting [our] homosexuality in [your] faces." If we kiss in public, it's flaunting our gayness. Holding hands. Buying the Rent special edition DVD. Ordering a vodka cranberry. It's all flaunting our gayness.
Of course, chances are, if you're a straight guy and reading this blog on purpose, then you probably don't feel that way at all, however there is a large faction of the country that does.
Do you wanna know what it's like being in our world though?
I was at a bar the other night with a friend of mine who also likes guys. This was not in any sense of the word, a gay bar. Let me show you a picture I took on my shitty phone!
Who's flaunting what-now? Yes, those are LED stripper poles. Yes, that's five drunk girls and what appears to be an alien with a glow-stick necklace. Mind you, my favorite bar band Go Go Gadjet was playing, which is the main reason I was at this bar in the first place... but this was drunk couple was flaunting their heterosexuality all up in my face. Of course by that I mean they were heavily making out, knocking into everyone around them, especially me, and nearly knocked me in the face with a beer bottle. They were so on top of me it might have been considered a threesome in some cultures. Later, they did this awkward to-the-floor back-bend makeout thing. Luckily, all the straight people around me were just as "WTF???" as I was. Yet here I was, making sure not to dance too much in order not to flaunt my homosexuality. When Go Go Gadjet started playing a few familiar chords, they said "We'd like to apologize to you if you have a penis. I mean, don't get us wrong, we love having penises. But if you have a penis, you will hate us." As they sang Party in the USA, they changed a few words around. Yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah, it's a Party in the USA. Yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah, this song makes me feel gay. I'm sure they didn't mean to offend anyone... they probably don't know that me, their biggest fan, is gay. ...then again, I sang along to the whole thing... so maybe they do know. Not the point. The point is that heterosexuality is constantly flaunted in our faces, so people can stop pretending like they're innocent.
I can't count the number of times I've heard "I don't care what you do or who you are, as long as you don't do it around me." What the hell kind of an attitude is that? I'll tell you what. That's the face of tolerance, people. Yes, I'm serious - that's "tolerance". Can you imagine telling a straight guy that he can't ever talk about girls or football in front of me, but I don't care what he does at home?
Long story short, there's a reason that sometimes we're a little awkward around you guys. Society has taught us that we're kinda supposed to fear or respect you or something. We're taught that Heterosexuality is superior to Homosexuality, and therefore we should be humbled to even be allowed in your presence. Granted, there's a good chance you don't actually feel that way... but that doesn't mean it's not ingrained in our heads.
Excellent post!
ReplyDeleteI've crushed on a few of my straight friends - but not because they're straight. It's because of who they are. I like their personalities, or I think they're really pretty.
Seriously, why do some straight guys think that any gay guy who meets them will want to sex them up? Is it because they have that high an estimation of their own looks? Because, like you say, it's the personality or the attractiveness factor that makes someone crush on someone, just as it is for straight men with women, and gay women with women, not just the mere fact that that other person has the sexual organs that are compatible with your sexuality. What straight men need to learn is that the gay mind is similar to theirs, just directed at a different gender.