Because all I know how to do anymore is post clips and further the gay agenda (mine involves getting milk, I'm out) here's some classic Funny or Die clips that make me laugh.
Now, I don't know anything about healthcare. I'm kinda dumb when it comes to economy stuff... I just don't get it. But this video sheds some light on it.
In this next video, we see Dr. Elliot Reed, that gay *NSync member, Batgirl, and that damn trekkie talk about the brewing storm ahead. The Gay People storm.
As any frequent reader knows (by frequent reader I of course mean "myself," because I'm narcissistic and read my own blog constantly) I am extraordinarily pro-gay rights. Being gay kinda helps with that, but if I was born straight I feel like I'd feel very similarly. A majority of my life experiences have nothing to do with how gay I am (but that's for another blog.)
I spend a lot of time on youtube (which is the greatest invention for the unemployed, let me tell you!) and I've compiled some of the best pro-gay/equal rights ads I've seen.
If you know me at all or have read any of my other entries on gay marriage, then you likely know I'm incredibly offended by this article. For starters, it tries to make the gay community sound like the bad guys for not allowing Zoophilacs in on our ballot - that we're one and the same. Other than the fact that animals cannot consent within any reason of human law, we are fighting for equal-marriage rights for two consenting adult humans under human law. We're not asking for a complete legal overhaul so much as simple inclusion.
Secondly, the article states "People turn a blind eye to the fact that a dog is a sexual being." NO, dogs are NOT. Yes, animals have sex, but from what I understand, Humans and Dolphins are the only two species of animals that actually get pleasure from sexual contact. Sure, pigs have orgasms that last thirty minutes, but they don't get pleasure out of it. Dogs use humping often as either practice for sexual behavior or to assert dominance. There are certain species of monkeys that use sex instead of war (two fighting prides will simply mate with each other and become one big monkey family.) A sexual relationship between human and animal could be misconstrued by the animal as either a dominance issue or peace treaty, or even completely misunderstood and it becomes part of training... and any way it's looked at, inter-species sex is unnatural. I know many people say that about homosexual human contact but that, at least, is well documented within most sectors of the animal kingdom and throughout history, and in humans it's consenting homosexual relationships between members of the same species.
Asserting that it is possible to have an emotional relationship with an animal is plausible, but there is no way to quantify or qualify a non-human animal's capacity to exhibit love in any human terms, so until an animal to human translator is developed, it is unethical to even consider equal marriage rights for zoophiliacs. I can expect that Zoophiliacs put animals on equal level to them, which would allow for the assumption that they can love humans back. I, of course, completely disagree with this notion.
I would compare Zoophilia more to Pedophilia than to Homosexuality. Pedophiles also often believe that it is not an affliction but a sexual orientation that they were born with, and consider Children to be on the same mental, physical, and emotional level as themselves. Children and animals are not on the same mental, physical, or emotional plane as adult humans, and therefore cannot consent or legally participate in sexual or emotional encounters with adult humans the same way that adult humans engage each other sexually and emotionally.
"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."
I never really liked that phrase. That's a phrase that essentially says "trust no one." "Give no one a second chance." Sure, it's a slippery slope argument, but only leaving yourself to blame for being too trusting just leads you to be down on yourself, when you were being kind because - hey! That's the kind of person you are.
I'm the king of being too trusting. I always assume the best of someone. And yeah, I've been hurt six ways to Sunday. And what have I taken from it? I've taken that sometimes, I'm a shitty judge of character. But is that really a flaw? Is trusting too many people really that bad of a thing? I've also heard the saying that when you refuse to trust people, it gives them a reason not to trust you.
I've been told I'm too giving. I've been told I'm too concerned with other people's emotions and when someone's upset, I often bring that burden onto myself.
Because how dare I feel responsible when someone's upset. How dare I want them to feel better. How dare I want people to feel strong and lovable. How dare I. Okay, yeah, maybe it's a burden that can get a little heavy for me. Maybe it gets me a lil' too concerned with my public image. Maybe I care too much. But I'm kinda proud of my neverending capacity to care.
So is it my fault when someone pulls the wool over my eyes twice? Is it my fault that I want to believe in the best in people? ...well, yes. Just like it's a blind kids fault that he's running into stuff, a deaf kids fault that he missed what you said. I refuse to let my empathy be jaded by assholes, just like a blind person won't let some bruises stop them from walking.
So let's change the old adage, shall we?
What do you think about "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, you're an asshole." I think it's just the right amount of forgiving while avoiding self-blame, yeah?
I totally snapped at this guy that was being condescending tonight (as was deserved.) ...I've also snapped at people who don't deserve it. Like some good friends who I short-fused on. Sorry guys... it's just sometimes, when you don't get something simple that I'm talking about, it gets incredibly frustrating, and my patience can't take it. Or when you judge me for something undeservedly, I'm liable to snap. Sorry.
I IMS for a couple days every couple of months... and apparently, I'm picking this week. I just feel... on edge. I'm impatient with everything right now. It's sorta like caffeine overdose, only angrier.
Hopefully this clears the eff up soon. I feel like I'm peaking, but I guess we'll see.
Anybody reading this? If so, leave me your opinions - is IMS real shit, or are we just fakin' it?
This kid managed to play Guitar Hero with his Elbow and solve two Rubik's cubes at once.
The Geekologie writer thinks this kid will never get any, but if I met someone with that talent that was above the legal age of consent I'd hit that like Rihannaa red-headed step child Rihanna.
How in God's Fuck did we miss this amazing movie?! "Thunderpants is a 2002 family film about a boy whose incredible capacity for flatulence gets him a job as an astronaut." - Wikipedia
Patrick Smash was born with two stomachs which makes him "uncontrollably and devastatingly flatulent."
Patrick Smash is, of course, the fat kid in the astronaut suit. Do you know who the nerdy motherfucker on the right is? Allen A. Alan, aka Rupert Grint aka RON FUCKING WEASLEY OMG.
Also in the movie? Paul Giamatti and Keira Knightly WHAT THE EFF??
I know, I know, I can't believe any of this either, but it's right there on Wikipedia. You gotta check this shit out.
Mad ups to RobAnderson for posting useful links, unlike the links I usually post, which are about Lady Gaga's peener. ...wait, I got that from him, too? Well what about that awesome water slide video? Oh... I got that from Geekologie? ...fuck. Handerpants! Handerpants were me! See, I can be classy.
In light news, Imogen Heap is the strangest person I've ever followed on twitter. Earlier today, she posted this lovely picture of herself stuck in traffic.
Yes, the beloved performer of hits such as "Let Go" from the Garden State soundtrack, as well as sytycd megahits "Hide and Seek" and "The Moment I Said It..."...is a complete nut.
She later posted "I highly recommend walking round as a clown one day out of context. It is immensly good fun!"
You know what Imogen? I 100% believe you.... but this is a "let's not and say we didn't" situation.
In vagina news (cue soundclip - "It's Vagina!!" a la Joel McHale) Lady Gaga is Intersexed. That's right, Lady Gaga has a tiny, tiny penis along with her Vajay. A while ago, a clip appeared online showing what appeared to be Lady Gaga's... penis. I assumed it was just her flesh colored underwear and bad lighting... but apparently I was mistaken.
"Its not something that I'm ashamed of, just isn't something that i go around telling everyone. Yes. I have both male and female genitalia, but i consider myself a female. Its just a little bit of a penis and really doesnt interfere much with my life. the reason I haven't talked about it is that its not a big deal to me. like come on. its not like we all go around talking about our vags. I think this is a great opportunity to make other multiple gendered people feel more comfortable with their bodies. I'm sexy, I'm hot. i have both a poon and a peener. big fucking deal. - L8d Gaga <3>" (Lady Gaga's blog, as reported by Starrtrash )
Later that week, she tweeted "Love you Japan! Pokerface just went #1! Thanku!!. My show was so good last night. I just had to go home and suck my own hermie dick, suckka" Somehow, I wasn't terribly shocked by this news. I'm kind of excited about this though. Hopefully, it'll bring more light to Intersexed Americans across the country... I guarantee we'll get a whole lot of "Wait, she was so hot in that one video! Does that make me gay?" *cough that's what starrtrash said* People are going to say "well what are we supposed to call it? Monsieur Gaga? Monster Gaga?" No, she's not a dude and NO, it doesn't make you Gay. Lady Gaga quite clearly is a female. Yeah, she's got a bit more skin in a certain place than most girls you've met, but that doesn't make her a man. You're only gay if you like her peener more than her poon... and even then, you're probably insane for trying to hook up with Lady Gaga anyway. Yes, she's intersexed, but seeing as how she goes by Lady Gaga, it's fair to assume she'd like to be thought of as a Lady. Her Gaga to Peen ratio is still 10:1, so let her be.
You know what other news won't be exciting? When we find out she's actually a mental patient that managed to escape. Her real name is Florence Mattinson (which I completely made up... or did I?) and she's got to be tranquilized to get her back in the home.
I'm a genius.
::edit:: While the tweet was real, I'm under the impression that Starrtrash may be a laugh blog, and not 100% truthful. More to come.
On Wednesday, my mother went to a family reunion dealy at my Aunt Peggy's. If you know me, chances are you know I'm not much of a "family" kinda guy, so I of course didn't go. My mom's cousin Joey was up from Miami with his wife and his 11-year old daughter, Joyce. The last time I saw Joyce, I was around 11 or so myself. I apparently played peek-a-boo with Infant Joyce for a long, long time, and they have the most adorable video of it. Apparently, Joey is really upset that I wasn't at the reunion, because apparently "Joyce really wants to see me." What they don't know is that I've grown up and I really, really don't like kids. I like extended family even less. I guess the idea that we're supposed to act like we're hella tight with these people that are in reality more like strangers is just beyond me. Here's the extend of what I know about Joey and his family: 1.He's my mother's cousin. 2. His wife is from that country that got hit by a tsunami a few years back and wiped a lot of it out. (for those yelling the name of the country at their monitor and calling me an idiot, I'm really geographically retarded. I've just never been good at it. I couldn't even name all fifty states without a map, and even then it's iffy. It's just one of those things my brain can't do.) 3. They live in Miami (I just learned that ten minutes ago) 4. They have an 11 year old daughter, Joyce.
Apparently, this video of me playing with peek-a-boo with baby Joyce is a favorite in their household. They love it so much. Do I remember it? ...vaguely, and probably only because it's been mentioned a few times across the years.
Well cousin Joey and family are stopping off at my grandmother's before they go back down to Miami, and really want to see me. They want to see me. Joyce wants to see me. Just one more peek-a-boo, for old time's sake.
I'm not going.
Why? Because deep inside, they don't want to see me. They want to see 11 year old, 3'9" Alex climb out of the car, and in his tiny, tiny voice, say "Peek-a-boo!" Joyce doesn't want to see me. In the video, she sees 11 year old Alex, and she sees someone she could be friends with. They could play. They can run around now, now that she's not an infant. They can play on swings and run in the woods. She and 11 year old Alex can have a blast.
But that's not me anymore.
I'm 22. I'm two feet taller, I've probably tripled and then some in weight. My voice is deep now. I've got acne. The Alex they want to see isn't the Alex they'll get. They'll be disappointed. They'll be sad. And the image will be ruined. This cute, adorable, perfect version of me will be shattered... and that's not what they want. Sure, they'll head back to Miami, disappointed they didn't get to see me... but if they had seen me, they'd be even more disappointed.
So I'm going to let them continue to watch the home video of 11 year old Alex, and let their minds play with that. I don't even know if there are any home videos of me other than that one, so it's not even my memory to play with. There's no possible way I can live up to the standards that Joey and his family have set up for me... so it's honestly better that I don't show up at all.
Religion is a real hot-button topic nowadays that's often a huge dividing line between people.
There are Atheists that won't talk to religious people, there are religious people that won't talk to atheists... and I think everyone just needs to shut the fuck up.
But, since people will never shut the fuck up, I'm going to combat a bunch of arguments here.
Unfortunately, a lot of what I'm about to say here is against the religious - specifically Christians - but what it's really aimed at is the uneducated religious. I've met a lot of Good Christians who believe in a lot of the same principles that I do, and I (of course) believe that I am right. The people who don't believe what I believe also believe they are right - after all, why would we believe in something that we think is wrong? That's just stupid.. I'm not Atheist, but I'm not terribly religious, either. My principles come from education, logic, and life exposure instead of fear and a "moral high ground".
My #1 least favorite argument: "If you don't believe in God, where do you get your morals from?"
Are you telling me that the only reason that you have your morals is because God said so? I certainly hope not. I have my morals because of logic and emotion. For instance, "Thou Shalt Not Kill." No-freakin'-duh. I could never kill another person (except for self-defense). Why? Because they could have a wife/husband and kid at home waiting for them. They could have parents at home hoping that their son/daughter is safe, only to find out that I've murdered them. They could have a best friend who needs him/her during a trying time. Most of all, I know that I wouldn't want to be killed, so I'm not going to go out of my way to kill someone.
This woman does a really good job of refuting a lot of these arguments.
Besides, she's hot and Russian(?)
#2 Least favorite argument "If you don't believe in God, then what are we here for?"
Who the frack knows? That doesn't mean I'm going through life assuming I have no meaning... I don't know why I'm here yet, but I have a feeling that's not something we know until we've already done it.
#3 Least favorite argument (not for or against religion) There's this big thing against things like Gardisil, because apparently HPV vaccinations promote rampant whorish sex in 12 year olds... oh, and autism. Nevermind the fact that it's meant for 18-22 year olds to protect them from fucking cervical cancer. Something like 1 in 4 women (I think... don't quote me) have HPV, and since guys show no symptoms, catching it isn't easily predictable.
#4 Least favorite argument against gays "They can't have children so they go against nature" Jesus fucking Christ. Haven't we transcended far enough as humans that our #1 goal isn't procreation? A lot of animals, like octopus, praying mantis, and elephant seals, seem to live only for procreation - Female Octopus die shortly after nurturing their eggs to hatching, praying mantis bite the heads off their male mates (similar with black widow), and male Elephant Seals don't get to mate until their last years, if at all. Aren't we above that? As humans, aren't we intelligent and productive enough to not require children in order to sustain our lives?
#5 Least favorite argument against gays "Marriage, under God, is reserved for Straight People." Okay here's the shizz on that. If they want their religious marriage, they can fucking have it- however, I want it called whatever it was called in the bible, whatever "Marriage" is in Ancient Latin/Greek. Modern-Day Marriage, however, is hardly a solely religious thing. It provides federal benefits. Once federal is involved, Religion no longer can be. Justices of the Peace perform weddings all the time, even on Religious folks. I, personally, don't plan on having a religious wedding, no matter how religious myself or my future husband are. For me, it just doesn't feel right. But once again, marriage isn't just a religious dealie - it's more legal than anything else. I recently read an article written by some woman who was absolutely enraged that Gay Marriages are being counted on the 2010 census, nevermind the fact that they're legal, state recognized marriages. She provides a weak, thoroughly ungrounded slippery slope argument asking if we should count "manage-a-trois'" as well... It's clear that she hasn't done her research and doesn't understand that we're not talking about uncommitted relationships, we're talking about legally recognized marriages. Not only that, but she said that she didn't think our nation's forefathers meant the Census to be including same-sex couples... but they sure as hell didn't expect it to include interracial couples or willing couples that weren't arranged. You know what else they never expected? A black man as president. OR COMPUTERS.
::note:: we're not asking for special rights, we're asking for equal rights. We just wanna use the same water fountain, people.
Which brings us to #6 "If fags can get married, then why not let us marry 7 people? and ducks!"
a) I can sort of understand the polygamy argument - consenting adults, that sorta thing. However, the laws would have to be completely rewritten to allow for that - we'd have to figure out prenuptuals, custody, taxes; re-work all of these things for 3, 4, 5, 6, 7+ groups. Not to mention if you have a group that's like 3 girls and 2 guys, or some other mismatch. The reason a lot of people have been suing for their right to marry is because their constitution doesn't actually state that a marriage must and can only be between a man and a woman - but they were denied anyway. Either way, the laws don't have to be re-worked to allow gay marriage - simply turn "one man, one woman" into "two individuals."
b) Ducks? What the fuck? I'm so sick of this argument. Honestly. How many ways do people have to fight this? If debates were court, this argument wouldn't be allowed. Why? DUCKS AREN'T FUCKING HUMAN. They can't consent. They can't sign a marriage license. THEY DON'T USE HUMAN LANGUAGE. THEY AREN'T CITIZENS OF ANY COUNTRY AND THEREFORE DON'T EVEN HAVE THE PROPER DOCUMENTATION BECAUSE THEY'RE FUCKING DUCKS. Inter-species marriage will never be written into law because no matter how much you love Sparky, there's no possible way Sparky can consent to a marriage or even sex you awful person.
For comparison's sake, remember that time they decided Pluto wasn't a planet? They had to change the rules one way or another to either include or disclude Pluto as a planet. A lot of astronomers are terribly annoyed, because it was pretty clear that the laws should have included Pluto as a planet, but they were changed to purposefully prevent it.
I just want to be a planet, y'all.
c) Don't ever say "fag." We know you're doing it to hurt us, and it's fucking rude. I'm not gonna call you a "dirty fucking cross-hugger," don't call me a fag. Got it?
In this blog, I'm not trying to say that I'm right and they're wrong. ...okay, maybe I am. What I do respect though more than anything are the Evangelical Right's conviction. They believe what they believe and they believe it so strongly, and for that I have to commend them. In my mind they're stepping on my rights, but in their eyes, I'm stepping on theirs. Unfortunately, in the eyes of the constitution, our rights really are being stepped on. The only remotely solid arguments against equal marriage rights involve religion, and being that this is a free country, freedom of and from religion is one of our most important rights.
That being said, I strongly believe that within Obama's 8 years of presidency, we will see Civil Unions for gay couples introduced into national law, or at least more than half of the states. I also strongly believe that, in my lifetime, we will look back on the struggle that Gay America has faced and laugh at our stupidity, just like we do for the struggle of Black America... and, just like the struggle of Black America, Gay America will always face hatred, turmoil, violence, and fear... and just like Black America, we will do everything in our power to triumph.
Check out this episode of 30 Days about Equal Adoption Rights. It's pretty interesting.
That damn stranger who keeps coming to my house whenever my parents believe im crazy. *goes to a corner and holds his knees rocking back and forth, eye-twitching*
The mistake most of us make is that the state appointed shirnks are our "friends"
Shrink.
Personally, I hate being called a "Shrink" and I hope you can understand why. "Shrink" makes it sound like my sole purpose is to make you feel like crap... which I'm pretty sure is the last thing a good Psychologist wants to do. It also sounds like our job is to decompose you, break you down and whittle you til' we get what we want - a diagnosis. Psychologists understand more than anyone how complex a human is, and we like it that way. We wouldn't work with you if we didn't.
Psychology is the least understood professions. On TV, we're represented one of three ways: 1. Stuck up, prissy, and kind of dumb - missing the obvious in favor of something subtle. 2. "I'm too manly and awesome to go to the company therapist - therapy is for the weak minded. (1o minutes later) Waaaahhh Therapist! I'm so sad and you've truly brought out the real me!!" 3. Fucking Mind Readers.
Media is probably the number one reason we're so misrepresented. Believe it or not, we're human - we just understand the human mind a bit better than the average person. We're hardly stable ourselves; we all gots problems. Thing is, we're trained to help other people with their problems, and a good therapist does a good job - and I've been told I'm a pretty good therapist.
So please... stop calling us shrinks. Respect our profession; I don't call accountants "Penny Scrapers," I don't make lawyer jokes, I don't ask actors where they wait tables, I don't ask bio kids why they aren't going to medical school, I don't tell IPCR kids that their profession is going to get them killed, and I'm sure as hell not gonna tell an english major they're wasting their degree.
So don't be a dick. Don't call me a "shrink." I prefer "psychologist," "therapist," or "most attractive man I've ever seen."
Okay, so if you know me in real life, you probably already know my views on marijuana. What you may not know my views on (though you could probably predict them) is on the Lowering of the Drinking Age.
As much of a drunk as I am, I am not for lowering the drinking age. Absolutely not. And here's why.
As Americans, we are part of a nation of Excess. We invented "extreme". As a culture, we're loud, we're bawdy, we're crass, we're low brow. That's how we roll. We eat too much. We starve too much. We run all day. We lay in our beds all day. We don't understand technology, or we spend all day on our laptops updating twitter and facebook. We either hate books, or we've read over a hundred. We're fierce democrats - we're die-hard republicans. As a nation, we don't understand the word "moderate" - and the same applies to drinking.
I've been abroad, where the drinking age is 18. Spring break, my freshman year, 60 of us went to Scotland. How many of you spent your freshman year skunk-drunk? I know I did. I'm sure a lot of you did too. 18 years old, out on your own for the first time, and lo and behold - seniors who are willing to buy you booze once a week! This is the land of milk and honey! ...or Vladimir and Gatorade.
What we didn't expect of Scotland was that the culture there wasn't the "let's drink til' we can't feel feelings anymore" drinking standards of America. Personally, I only saw one drunk Scot, and his friends kept apologizing for him (though it may have been because he was swearing at us.) They drink in moderation there; they're responsible. That doesn't mean they don't know how to have a good time, but for the most part they know better.
In America, 21 year olds aren't the only ones with access to alcohol - in college, it certainly wasn't hard to get my hands on it. Does that mean I was responsible? Absolutely not. Now, can you imagine if the drinking age was 18? I would have been that kid that went to 10th grade Biology with a Dasani bottle filled with vodka.
Granted, there are some people that already did that. I didn't know any. Then again, other people's parents kept alcohol in the house - my parents didn't drink. (My dad does now, but it's because he hates us.) My mom doesn't drink at all.
Some kids are mature enough to handle it at 18. I wouldn't have been. Lowering the drinking age to 18 makes it easier for people under 18 to have possession of alcohol, and High School is not the time for students to be experimenting with Alcohol. Yes, a lot of kids do it anyway, but keeping the drinking age at 21 makes it one hell of a lot harder. This excess culture of America will never change. It's how America has always been and always will be. We'd have to have one massive culture shift in order to pull off a safer lowered drinking age.
What I am okay with is modifying the laws we have in place. We could either a) lower the drinking age to 20 (at the age of 20, I was definitely responsible enough to handle it,) or lower the public drinking age to 18, but keep the purchasing age at 21 (so you can go to a bar at 18, but not the liquor store.) I think the latter scenario is probably the best bet, as it allows for a safer, broader transition period into the drinking scene.
(By the way, I thought the same thing when I was under 21. ...my peers did not like that...)
You ever think about something you've said, and thought "wow... never thought I'd say that!" Well, while attempting to combat insomnia last night, I compiled a list of things that I never thought I'd ever say.
As a Kid, I never could have predicted I'd one day say...
"I'd punch a baby for a Big Mac right now..." "Ugh, is it seriously snowing right now? Dammit!" "No thanks, I'm not a big 'cake' person." "Oh man! I'm so excited to go back to school!" "11am is sooooo early!" "This is my boyfriend..." "Onomatopoeia" "So I was CeWebristalking today..." "I'll skip dessert."
As a young teen (aged 10-14), I never could have predicted I'd one day say...
"No, I don't want to have sex with you." "I don't think I'll be married til' I'm 30" "I'm excited to go back to school." "Aww, poor Lindsay Lohan..." "Aww, poor Britney Spears..." "Summer Vacation? What summer vacation?" "I'm updating my blog!"
As an older teen (aged 15-17), I never could have predicted I'd one day say...
"No, I don't want to have sex with you." "Nah, I don't feel like drinking tonight. "No, really, I don't want a drink. "I choreographed this myself!" "I've been single for almost three years..." "I can't eat Hot Pockets anymore."
Feel free to comment with things you never thought you'd say!! I'll probably tack more things onto this blog as I think of them.
So I bought discount boxers at Kohl's - a two pack for $3.80 How fantastic!
Well, I open the pack... they're actually Boxer-Briefs! I have never in my life worn a pair of these. I wore briefs until I was around 12, then switched over to boxers. And I will tell ya right now, this portmanteau of the two is strange.
I'll tell you right now though, Underwear looks a lot different on the model than it'll ever look on you. Mainly because they're made of muscle, and I'm made of... well, let's just say it's less dense. It's like... It's tight in places I'm not used to. But I gotta say, it makes my butt look good. Well... as good as it's gonna get, anyway. They're probably great for all the yogapilatesbody buildingrunning sitting around that I do.
I guess I don't have anything else to say about this underwear... maybe if I had an underwear fetish. Luckily, I only have a caffeine fetish. Speaking of which, where'd I leave my redbull? Jeeze, I sound like Lindsay Lohan. Oh, there it is. Mmmm. Now where'd I leave my cigarettes and lesbians?
I recently saw a blog about what a Straight Guy experienced going to a gay club once with his friends. I, personally, have never been to a gay club. I find a good chunk of they gay scene... intimidating, to say the least. I mean, I'm hardly your skinny-bitchy-gay-guy. I'm the on-the-stocky-side - generally-nice - likes-lady-gaga-but-loves-fall-out-boy kinda gay guy (yes, I get mad wood for Patrick Stump, what can I say?) I prefer a sugar-free red bull to a Venti Mocha Frappalatte, Burt's Bees to Lip Gloss, Wendy's to SaladWorks... you get my drift. So yeah. I've never been to a gay club. And, if this blog's right, I'm okay with it.
------------------------------ 20 Observations of Gay Men at a Club by: A Straight Guy
1) Gay guys are very jealous. Saw 2 fist fights break out and 3 others squashed by security before more fists were thrown because some guy eyed some other guy's boyfriend.
2) Gay guys choreograph elaborate dances...I did not know this. Unlike us, heteros, who do the same bump-n-grind and "i think this is sex with clothing" type of dancing to every song that comes on (a total of exactly 8 different hip-hop songs that are played in every mainstream club), gay guys pull out elaborate dances involving 2-3 guys and very limber movements.
...sorta shameful straight people don't do this.
3) Gay guys, and lesbiens, seem to have sex drives of Latino rabbits. Sensual grinding and excessive crotch gyrating is not only rampant, it's a requisite.
4) There is atleast 1 single best friend female for a party of 4 gay guys partying together. This is the female who is secretly in love with her gay best friend and is patiently waiting for him to change and recognize her as his true love.
5)...that girl is usually old and overly excited about everything.
6) You will feel fat in a gay club. Period.
7) Lesbiens in NYC are....well let's just say to each his own.
8) Observation/question: Why are lesbians so angry? They seem to come to a club just to fight..
9) I enjoyed techno music more than I thought I would.
10) Gay guys are immune to paralyzing strobe lights.
Where a normal man (as I was in the club) feel faint, dizzy, and develop a mild case of vertigo in super bright LED strobe lights laden dance floor, gay guys can easily navigate and adapt to them.
Most can even wear dark sunglasses in an already dark nightclub and still be impervious to strobe lights.
11) Question/observation: Are gay guys generally light weights? Even weak drinks do their magic in 2-3 rounds.
12) You will be the fattest one in a gay club. Period.
13) There are more straight guys in a gay club than one would expect. Kudos.
14) Go-go dancers are not human. They are carved out of stone.
15) Younger gay guys are not big fans of courtesy or the phrase "excuse me"
16) The homosexuals know how to have fun. Us straight people do not know what fun is. We know drunken debauchery, suggestive dancing, sad excuses to fit in...Gay people know how to have fun.
17) I was let into the bathroom ahead of the line because the next in line said I was cute.
18) I still ponder as to why that was such an ego boost.
19) There are more six packs in a gay club than a liquor store. Very few keggers.
20) No, as most homophobe guys like to think, a gay guy doesn't want you, won't hit on you, or think you're attractive.
No, gay guys do not salivate over every ass they see on the street on every guy.
They're picky, very picky. -------------------------------------------
I guarantee you that most of these are true.
I've also been informed that the bathroom lines at Gay Clubs are horrendous because of all the bathroom sex... I've been told to pee in the ladies room; if anyone gives me shit, I'm to waggle my finger and queef "you don't know me, bitch" And yes, I used "queef" as a verb, and incorrectly to boot. Suck it. ...or, just say "queef" out of context more. Also, I don't like that spell-check doesn't know "queef". Am I spelling it wrong?
What have I learned from all of this? Blogging while tired and sick is not good for you... or the rest of the internet, for that matter. Boo internet. Boo Sinus/InnerEarInfection. Boo, you whore.
Is this Canon? is my blog for whatever pops into my head. From heavy political rants to funny youtube videos, from gay rights to my misadventures in dating, I'll write about it, whether it's canon or not.
Hey, I'm Alex.
I really like Pop Culture.
vh1, mtv, the works. Love it. I wanna talk about it.
Alex's iPod - My not-so-indie blog about music.
Judging Reality - A blog run by myself and my old roommates where we judge the hell out of reality television.
Is This Canon? - my own personal blog
