Thursday, October 29, 2009

Twit This!

Isn't twitter a fantastic invention? Between twitter and facebook, I have a constant method to tell people things that they don't care about. But sometimes... someone says something on twitter or facebook where I think "...wow, I hope their mother isn't friends with them" or "I hope their boss doesn't see this..." I started saving some of these tweets because of their sheer ridiculousness.

I love you guys to death and this is of course solely teasing... but I've seen a lot of blogs on things people really shouldn't have said on twitter, and I thought I'd make some of my own. (names have, of course, been removed, except for celebrities. If you recognize a tweet of yours and want it deleted, I will do so, but only because I'm nice. If you're offended by this post, do a reality check and grow up - this is meant to be a humorous post.)

-------------------

There's a lot of different categories of stupid tweets, my favorite being the "I'M A DRUNK CELEBRITYYYYYY" tweets.

Kupono Aweau was on S5 of SYTYCD, a show where the contestants are generally considered to be great influences on people. Here, we see Kupono's tendency to tweet like a drunk fifteen year old girl.



Here's another one from another SYTYCD Celeb:


Okay, so originally I took the name and picture out of this next couple tweets, but I'm changing my mind. This is season 1 SYTYCD winner Nick Lazzarini:




Another drunk SYTYCD alum:








Sometimes celebs aren't drunk, they just say stupid, stupid shit. For instance, SYTYCD S3 alum Lauren Gottleib making fun of the people she's auditioning for. ...intelligent.



And SYTYCD judge/choreographer Lil' C tweeting about his disdain for fat chicks:



Okay, so you're not a Celeb, so how can twitter get you in trouble? Imagine being an employer and seeing these things on your employee's twitter.








(A classic facebook post from Lamebook.com)



Keep it classy, guys:






Please, don't tweet about how smart you are, because this is how it comes off to the rest of us:



Could be filed under "keep it classy" but I feel like this deserves a post of it's own. What have we learned about putting drinking photos on facebook?




And then there's one guy I used to follow who's just kind of a dick...













Now, I'm not going to pretend like I've never said something on twitter I shouldn't have. For instance, this little nugget:







I hope you guys enjoyed this and no one's offended. I had a lot of fun putting this together, it's been in the works since I joined twitter in June. I love my fritters soooo much!!! <33

Monday, October 26, 2009

Bad Romace

So my friend Amanda is in this class called Sex and Society, where they have to do a survey questioning people about how they handle love, relationships, etc. Here are my responses:

1.When is the last time you went on a date? With whom? Where did you go? What did you do?

Oh wow, uh.... Summer '08 would be the last time I went on a formal date, with a nice guy named.... ummm.... Andrew. Andrew Betz. We went to Hard Rock where we had a semi-awkward conversation for a while, and I think about halfway through we realized we'd just be friends at best. Then we went to old navy cuz they were having a sale on flip flops, and then we both went home... to our separate homes.


2.Describe your ideal date

Well, I hear that when first dating, the general rule is "Drinks is the audition, Lunch is the interview, and Dinner is Romance", and I guess that stays true. Drinks or Coffee is great for the first date, somewhere fun like Johnny Rockets for lunch, but then instead of dinner, something fun like going to the zoo or concert of a mutually enjoyed band would be great.


3.What was the worst date you have been on?

Worst date would definitely have to be my junior year when a guy came up for a date-ish kind of situation where he joined me for Wednesday Night Dinner, a big thing me and my friends did every wednesday. We had a mutual friend who was there and helped ease any awkward tension, because I was incredibly nervous and he was incredibly attractive. Two of my friends came to WND who had apparently broken up the night before, so they were both all sorts of needy-gimme-attention, which really didn't help my nervousness. Finally, Julian, Tamar and I went back to my apartment and watched some TV. A couple weeks later, I found out that my one "Friend" had been flirting with Julian on Facebook after meeting him at wednesday night dinner, and they'd hung out and made out. I was not a happy camper.


4.Define love. How do you know you love someone? How do you let someone know you love them?

Love is... Love is a splendid thing, love lifts us up where we belong, all you need is love! :-) No, seriously though, being in love is this amazing feeling when two people just know that they don't know how they've ever lived life without this person, and never want to live life without them again. Generally, it's not hard to let someone know you're in love with them, because they're likely in love with you too.
Unrequited love, on the other hand, is usually just Lustions (a term I made up combining Lust and Emotions) and it's always a difficult situation (trust me, I'm really good at it.)


5.Define romance. What are ways of being romantic?

Romance is... hmm. I guess it all depends on the couple. Romance could be curling up on the couch under a heavy blanket staring at the fire in the fireplace. It could be going to a death metal show. Could be a night out on the town. I think "romance" is whatever they could enjoy doing by themselves but are enjoying it so much more because they're with each other.



6.Define sex

Oh man... that's very difficult, esp cuz it all depends on the couple. Of course oral sex counts as sex, but I don't think it's nearly as big a deal as standard penetrative sex. Handjobs are basically foreplay. When it comes to sex and what counts as virginity-losing sex depends on what the person wants to do. For instance, if you have a girl that never, ever wants to have penetrative vaginal sex, then likely "losing the v-card" would happen at oral. On the other extreme, a versatile gay man, active and receptive anal sex may be considered two very different things, which brings up the concept of multiple virginities (something many people believe in, but many do not.)


7.What is sexy to you? What do you do be sexy?

I dunno, things that I find sexy are just when a guy is totally confident with himself enough to make things that aren't about sex, about sex. Like, I'd love to wake up to my man cooking me breakfast in nothing but an apron, or taking a shower with him.
I'm different in when I try to be sexy, because I'm a really innocent guy with a dirty streak. ...which just sounds like I don't wash my underwear. Gross. But I mean like I just like being silly and ridiculous with my guy, which shows confidence in a different way. I'm that guy that turns on the radio and dances like no one's watching, which I've had guys (and girls) tell me is actually kinda sexy in it's own right.




What do you guys think? Agree/Disagree? Your own responses?

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Caffeine

I.
Love.
Caffeine.
Hell, the only reason I'm conscious right now is cuz I drank a whole bunch of diet coke today.

However.
I'm not particularly caffeine sensitive, and I'm pretty much half-asleep writing this.
But I digress.

According to Wikipedia, the average person overdoses on caffeine at 300 mg or more. Sounds like a lot, right? Kinda hard to do?
I've definitely had too much caffeine before, but my friend Lauren once overdosed. It's a lot easier than it sounds.
See, your average 8oz of instant coffee (typically the weakest besides decaf) only has 57mg of caffeine. On the other end of the spectrum, drip coffee has 145mg per 8oz. Generally, if you're drinking instant coffee, you can have a whole bunch of mugs of coffee before there's a problem. Drip coffees are generally take longer to make and longer to consume, due to strength and temperature. 12 oz of Coke Zero only has 35mg of caffeine, and 12oz of Mountain Dew has 54mg.

However, a 16oz amp has between 154mg and 160mg of Caffeine. Two of these, and you've potentially overdosed.

Fun Fact:
There are energy drinks that have more than 300mg of caffeine per serving.
For instance, Red Line PowerRush is one of those 2.5oz energy shots that taste like soap. It already has 350mg of caffeine, as does the 16oz Spike Shotgun. Their half-size, the 8.4 oz Spike Shooter actually has 300mg of caffeine. A 16 ounce can of Wired X344 contains 344 milligrams of caffeine. Starbucks 16oz Grande Black Coffee has between 259.2mg to 564.4mg (averaging around 372mg). Even the controversial 8.4oz Cocaine Energy Drink only comes in at a measly 280mg.


If you're someone who's sensitive or inexperienced with high levels of caffeine, please don't get yourself started on these high-level energy boosters. Don't get me wrong, I've come very close to ODing on energy drinks quite a few times - I just love the taste of caffeine on my tongue. My advice? Stick to the sugar-free energy drinks. I've found that you're far less likely to deal with the crash or jitters after the stuff wears off. If you want more natural energy, get yourself a vitamin B complex with C, and take that every morning for an awesome metabolism boost that'll help you lose weight and maintain energy levels throughout the day (spice it up with Chromium Picolinate, a vitamin that not only boost metabolism but also helps curb carb cravings!)
Drink lots and lots of green tea, and make sure to get 8oz of water in you. 8 hours of sleep will leave you beautifully rested for your day. Follow all these steps and you'll have great, natural energy.

Comment with any questions you have or stories! :-)

(all caffeine information retrieved from http://www.energyfiend.com/the-caffeine-database)

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Less Than Three

I guess I'm going to do a late-night rant every night.
Except I'll probably forget tomorrow.

Hokay.

Love.

Before I start this, let me inform you that I am filled with headache and sleep deprivation, so that's going to be a large part of what fuels this rant. For being unemployed, I've had a horrendously long day.

So.

Love.

I've always been a firm believer in trusting everyone. I believe it was on this very blog that I came up with the phrase "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, and you're a total dick for breaking my trust. Asshole." ...or something like that.
I feel very similar when it comes to love. As a human being, I know that I have infinite capacity for love... but love doesn't just mean "oh brb we're getting married" kind of love. Love has many, many levels. There's love for a boyf/girlf, love for a spouse, love for a friend, love for a best friend, love for family, love for someone you had a class with and like what they say, love for someone you've never even met but have had a few awesome tweet-conversations with...

There's so many different levels of love.
I've had a few friends in the past get really upset with me, though.
"Well, you say you love me, but you also say you love so-and-so, and you also say you love so-and-so..."
It's honestly just an expression that I use.
"Well then how am I supposed to know?"
...you don't have to know. Focus on you, not those around me.

I literally had a roommate/friend once who wanted me to rank my friends. I basically told her to fuck off. ...we're not friends anymore.

Why is this such a hard concept for people to get though? I mean, I understand people don't get it, so I try to warn people ahead of time. "Listen, I tend to throw the phrase 'I love you' around a lot, so trust me when I say I mean nothing creepy by it." And no, it doesn't mean anything less the more I say it, it's not like you can get habituated to love like it's ibuprofin or pain or something. It's not like when you wear the same cologne for a while you can no longer smell it... it's love. It's sorta like how pie will always be delicious no matter how many times you eat it, or how a kitten is always soft no matter how many times you pet it, or how lard will always make you fat. ...speaking of which, I could really go for some food right now...

I'd like to quote the nations number one poet when I say "Where is the Love?" Yes, of course I'm referring to will.I.am of the Black Eyed Peas, writers of literary and aural masterpieces such as "Don't Phunk With My Heart", "My Humps", "Fergalicious", and "I Got It From My Mama".
Does he not have a point though? I see nothing wrong with spreading my love around. Maybe that's why I give such great hugs - I'm not afraid to hold back.

Didn't we learn anything from Barney? "I Love You, You Love Me, We're a Happy Family! With a GREAT BIG HUG, and a kiss from me to you! Won't you say you love me too?" C'mon, we're a bunch of weirdos raised on Barney, the least we could do is start fucking acting like it.

So next time you get creeped out by me saying "I Love You," just remember I'm probably not out to wed you. Unless, of course, I am, in which case you'll know the difference. ...likely, because you'll be duct taped to a chair in my living room.

Goodnight!

Monday, October 19, 2009

Look at this Fucking Hipster

Another late-night rant? Yes, please!


So I've realized something over the years.
I'm 99% sure that all hipsters are actually people completely devoid of social skills.

Before you scream at me that I'm just a mainstream hater working for the man or some other stupid shit, try and tell me that this girl has social skills.



If you said that she's just rebelling against social norms, you are kindly invited to go google yourself and quit reading this fucking blog. Ever heard the phrase "If you don't get the joke, it's probably about you"? ...yeah.


That's the thing. "Rebelling against social norms" translates to "socially retarded". Seriously? Most hipsters I've met have worse social skills than an autistic person (except autistic people have a medical/psychological reason for being socially awkward... hipsters have no excuse.) Take, for instance, these two fucking hipster girls I met at a party last year. I had been asked to make a playlist. I thought about the party we were going to: it was a dry, outdoor barbecue, filled 99% with people that belonged to our dance team on campus (we'd just had our final show of the year, and this was a party to kind of celebrate it. There were a few people coming that were the host's friends or people's boyfriends.) Knowing the people, I filled the playlist primarily with a) things on the radio, and b) covers of things on the radio. Fun, dancey pop/punky stuff. I spent a good chunk of time putting together this playlist onto my ipod.


To give a little bit of background, I get really, really upset when people touch my ipod. ...see, my ipod kind of freaks out when other people touch him, and has the tendency to freeze up anytime someone does... so I get a little weary of other people touching my ipod. Luckily, most people at this party knew that about me, but just in case, I kept my ipod behind a bush, still attached to the speakers but out of sight.

We ended up essentially having one party inside and one outside (the sliding doors of the apartment led to a nice little courtyard.) Generally I was getting pretty good reactions to my playlist, it was nice. A little while later, I notice these two hipsters with their headbands and loose skirts and tiny jackets and band-you've-never-heard-of shirts and unwashed, teased hair talking closely and drinking from red cups. I move closer to them, and I get a strong whiff of Werther's.
"...are you guys drinking straight Butterscotch Schnapps?"
"...yes? how did you know it was Buttershots and not like... something else?"
"because I'm not retarded. This is a dry party, can you guys not drink?"
"No one's going to know."
"Really? because I was ten feet away and could smell it. I'm the only person here that's 21, and if this party gets broken up for any reason and they find you two with booze, I could get in a lot of trouble."
"You're not gonna get in trouble, trust us."
"yeahokaywhatever."

So they keep going with their schnapps. ...then I see them rifling through my ipod.
"Excuse me guys, but can you not touch my ipod? He tends to freak out if other people touch him."
"Oh, *not putting the ipod down* we're just trying to see if you have any Justice."
"The electronic french guys? I think I have a remix or something. Really though, can you leave it alone?"
"Oh, but we want to listen to Justice! I'll just plug in my iPod!"
"...actually, can you not? I worked for a while on that playlist..."
"Yeah, but there's no Justice on it."
"....yeah, that's because I tried to tailor it to everyone. Also, the host of the party asked me make this"
"oh... okay..."

They finally put my ipod down and sulked away.

About ten minutes later, the host came up to me and said
"...so, my friends want to plug their ipod in...?"
"yeah, but I worked on this playlist for you... for a while..."
"yeah, I know... it's totally rude, but they're kinda pressuring me. I don't wanna listen to their crappy music either, so around nine o'clock ish can we switch it out?"
"....yeah, sure, that gives it another half hour. Sounds good. ...by the way, you know they're drinking, right?"
"they're what?"

9.00 rolls around, and I unplugged my ipod and let the stupid-ass hipster girls have their fun. A couple people gave me funny looks. "It's not my ipod anymore, sorry guys!" as the hipster girls jammed up the doorway jamming out to their french electronica. About fifteen minutes later, I went to leave to check up on my roommate, going from the courtyard into the complex. I look down the hallway, and what do I see? Police knocking on the party's door. So I book it down to my apartment, seconds later getting a text from one of the partygoers saying that the cops broke up the party. Luckily, they didn't catch the stupid-ass hipster girls drinking, but if they had I could have been in trouble were I still there.


This is not an isolated indecent. A majority of the hipster-encounters I've had usually revolve around a) how their strange indie underground music is better than yours, b) their firm belief in something thoroughly unproven like Reiki or Ghosts, quoting "scientific proof," ignoring every study and fact you throw at them, or c) Macs.

And now, as I try to go to sleep but can't, because my brother who pretends to be goth/hardcore/metal is snoring like a mother-fucker, I leave you with this:

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Celebrity Crushes

Let's talk about Celebrity Crushes.
...we all have them, stop pretending like you don't. He's the guy that at night, you fantasize about starting a band so you can go on tour with them and make them love you. Sure, these fantasies deny all common knowledge, expectations, and sexuality, but those are just annoying things that people say, i.e. "Oh, I have such a crush on Brad Pitt" yeah, well he's practically married to Angelina Jolie, so I guess you're out of luck. "Really? that's what tipped you off? Not the fact that I'm a dude, or that I've never met him, or that he's famous as fuck and I'm not, so I never will meet him? No, it's totally because Angelina Jolie is in my way - she's my only competition."
...
...
...

Anyways, here are my celebrity crushes!!!

<-Matt Cady, FannyPak
Alex Gaskarth, All Time Low ->
















<-Joel McHale, The Soup (sorry Joel!)


Chris Hardwick, Web Soup ->



















Mark Salling & Corey Monteith, Glee

Pasha Kovalev, So You Think You Can Dance





Jimmy Robbins




William Tell




Link

Levi Johnston




















I mean, I think that's a pretty good list. I also really like this one guy that occasionally pops up on the manhunt ads... he's a regulation hottie...



Tell me that's not a guy worth keepin' around, eh?

Anyways, who are your big celebrity crushes? Tell me about them! What's your fantasies about them?

(I'll tell you mine! Sometimes, I fantasize that I put a band together and we get hella famous and go on tour with All Time Low, Hey Monday, and Jimmy Robbins. I'm the first band to ever bring dancers on tour, and I bring Fanny Pak with me. Some nights I think about Matt Cady, some nights I think about Alex Gaskarth... some nights I imagine them fighting over me! Tee hee!)


How I feel about teaching Religion in School



(Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal)

can't stop, won't stop

So I think I'm gonna start doing this thing where I stay up late and start rambling on this blog. I find those to be the most fun I have posting... and as much as I love the people that read this, it's really more of a me thing (though I listen! If there's something you want me to write about, leave me an idea!)

I want to write about my future wedding.

Okay, yeah, I don't know who it's going to be with, nor do I know when, nor am I a groomzilla who needs everything done his way and is actually seriously talking wedding plan sans groom.

No, I'm just having fun here.

but really though.
let's talk about this shit.

So my wedding will take place on the beach. I've always loved the beach. It's so pretty, and sandy! I'll probably have to do a bunch of sit ups first and find a way to make waterproof formalwear, because once the "I do"'s have been said, we're going to run into the ocean and have our kiss. It will be big and romantic and we'll probably giggle through the whole thing... and then everyone will run into the water and join us! We'll have a regular party in the water for a little bit, while the crew sets up the dance floor, DJ, and bar on the sand. Myself and my groomsmen (and my husband, if he's into it) will get changed and get ready for the wedding dance. It'll start off all nice and traditional and beautiful until the music switches from a gorgeous pop ballad to hardcore hip hop. My groomsmen will launch out from behind the speakers, and we'll have a choreographed krump routine. Then, maybe, we'll switch it up to disco halfway though.

Then, we drink. We drink like fucking pros. We will drink so much that Tara Reid would say "...damn, son - you wanna slow down?"

...but I guess I have to fall in love first, huh?
Well, I can manage that. It's been a long time since I've been in love... but I think I know what the perfect relationship is supposed to be like...:

"She thinks I'm crazy.
Judging by the faces that she's making.
And I think she's pretty.
But pretty's just part of the things she does that amaze me.
And she calls me sweetheart.
I love it when she wakes me when it's still dark.
And she watches the sun.
But she's the only one I have my eyes on."
-The Maine, I Must Be Dreaming

"Lets turn the lights down low,
Turn the lights down, I got a movie
We can watch until you fall asleep on my chest
So tell me right now,
So tell me right now, is there any place
You’d rather be other than here, lets forget the rest
And I swear I swear when I first saw you
And talked to you, you’d give me purpose
With every single word you’d say
You took my breath away

I am so high I’m never coming down
Because you’re mine, and you’ve decided to stay around
And as time is taken away, you stay the same, you stay the same
You stay here with me"
-The Follow Through, So High

Yeah, I think I've got it. So where is my mystery man?
Well, I've waited 22 long years to find him... okay, well 6 years if we're only counting from when I came out at 16, but still... I'm patient. Considering I'm looking for the dork I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with, I can be patient. Try a few guys out. Figure it out the hard way. I'm sure as hell not desperate, and I'm not going to fall for the first pair of pretty eyes that bats their lashes at me (...what??) while I don't have the highest self-esteem, I do respect myself and always will. ...it's cause I'm bamf.

What was I talking about?

Oh yeah.

I also want a moon bounce at my wedding.

And I will DJ my wedding. And it will be fantastic. because I'm amazing. My fiance/husband better love my playlist, or I'll killbill his ass.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Keep Holding On

So I actually wrote the Atheism post about a week or so before I posted it. Why the wait?
Well, the night after writing it, I had a really interesting dream, and it felt wrong to post the entry after having it.

In the first half of my dream, we found that when you die, you go back and live your life over again... except you still retain all of your memories, or at least the best that you can have them after two lifetimes. Do you do everything the same and stay a step ahead of the game? or do you do something completely different? It's sorta like playing Pokemon for the second time...
The only thing was, everyone else was also on their second round, but no one knew it. We all thought we'd sound crazy, and besides, no one remembers third grade history anyway. After all these years, everything just feels like a hunch anyway. "Do I know him...? We may have met, I can't remember."

Two distinct occurrences in this half of the dream:
I was in fourth grade math class. I decided to give up on a frustrating math problem, saying "fuck that." ...I forgot that fourth graders aren't allowed to say "fuck." "...uh... screw that? can I say that?" Needless to say, my teacher was not happy with me. I was told to do pushups. "Okay, no problem," I thought, forgetting that in fourth grade I had noodle-arms. Push-ups didn't work as well as I'd hoped.

Next, I was a freshman in college. I chose to go to the same university. I saw my friend Alyssa and waved - forgetting that I hadn't met her yet. "I... uh... you're in my Orientation Group, right? Alyssa?" We awkwardly shake hands, but I know we're going to be awesome friends, our personalities get along awesomely. I see people from my prior run-through who used to be my best friend and used to be my boyfriend, and I purposefully choose not to meet either of them. Instead of doing the activities, I decided to lay down on a wall listening to my headphones... maybe I should have gone somewhere else, I thought. In a world where everything is deja vu, nothing feels new.

The second time you die, you end up in the kitchen of what appears to be a large house. I knew what I was supposed to do - go through as much of the house as I want, make my way back to the kitchen, and meet God. "Sounds good," I thought. The house was a maze - I don't mean confusing hallways and rooms, I mean it's like a maze for a lab rat, the walls made out of evenly spaced two-by-fours, feeling sort of like a house of mirrors, since you can see through all the walls.

The maze is tight, as if it's a playground for small children, built inside of and worming through this house. After wriggling my way through the maze, I make it to the backyard, where there's a big open area, complete with strange cartoon-esque alligators. Surprisingly, throughout all of this, I'm uncomfortably calm. "Yeah, okay, whatever, let's do this" was my mentality. I decide I've had enough of this maze, so I start to snake my way back to the kitchen. Somehow, I end up going to the upper level of the house, where the maze spits me out into a shallow, open room. On one wall hang three baseball bats, and a cricket bat (for the brits?) I take a baseball bat and the cricket bat, and behind them on the wall, I see scrawled "use the bats to beat your way through the house!" I know that it's cheating, but the rules of the game weren't really explained or defined, and I know that deep down, it doesn't matter, I'll do what I damn well please and I'll get the same result. So I start wailing at the wall.
Apparently, dead me has noodle arms too.
I give up on the wall and look for a door. It's gotten dark now, so I flip a light switch and head through a door...

...into what appears to be a fully decorated L-Shaped living room, with a fireplace and everything. A man and a woman in Christmas sweaters explain that they live there. ...no, they're not surprised that a strange man burst into their room. Around the corner I could see a rocking horse, and other children's things, I assume there may have been children with them, out of sight.
I was relatively unfazed by this couple, but I saw another door, blocked off by various tables and knickknacks. I asked them where it went, they didn't know but they found it unwise to try to find out. I ignored them, and began pulling away the tables and knickknacks. I tried the door, which didn't work, and I began kicking it. They asked me repeatedly not to, but I had to try this door. I whipped out my bat and knocked the handle off the door, then pounded the door open to the top of a now-dark stairwell. The couple wasn't upset with my decision, but gave up on me and went back to the fireplace.

I tried the lights on the wall, but the power no longer wanted to work. I used my cell phone (yes, my cell phone that dead me apparently has) to light my way down the stairwell, which spit me out into what appeared to be a large dining area, with about nine rectangular tables arranged almost like a classroom or dining hall. It was twilight, dark enough to turn on a lamp, but enough light was coming through the windows on my right to deal without. I walked through the dining room and up a step into the kitchen.

"...God?"
"Yeah, I'm in here."
I look to my left to see an attached sun room. The sun room is filled with plants, and even though there was light in the dining room where, you can see the sunset through these windows, too. Wood colored carpet and leaf colored walls surrounded a large work station, the centerpiece of which is a huge computer.

I approached the PC, and on the center was a large "Home" icon displayed on most internet browsers. I nonchalantly said "Oh, I get it. 'cuz you're 'home'." Note, I wasn't bitter, annoyed, enthusiastic, or determined throughout the entire maze or this conversation... I was logical and emotionless.

A browser opened, and brought up my email.
I had hundreds, maybe thousands of new emails from eHarmony.
Each email was something nice someone had to say about me.

This was the first time I felt emotion.
I started to cry.

I immediately woke up.

-----------------------

No, I don't know what this means. I don't really believe in dream interpretation. If anything, while writing the atheism piece, I pushed all enjoyment or desire of a concrete God into my subconscious, so my brain gave me some answers. But hey... if this is what happens after death, I'm okay with it. ...I think the "second life" thing was kind of strange, but I wouldn't be surprised if something like the house thing happens after we die... it'd be sorta like the final boss, or the SAT's, or like when Link Luke finds out that Ganondorf Darth Vader was his father the whole time.

Or you know what? Maybe nothing happens after we die. Maybe we just rot. I mean, in every sense, that certainly makes more sense. It's what most other living organisms do, and in the course of human history, there's been a fucking lot of people. I can't imagine a place where our "souls" have a final resting place, all eleventy-million-billion of us. Maybe some of us are expendable. Maybe they let a certain number into heaven, a certain number into hell, and then the rest of us were just here to keep the main people in line, or even to set up the world for the people who count and haven't even been born yet. It's a scary thought to think that maybe, just maybe, we're not important. That's likely why religion was created.

I don't think that this house and this computer and this whole thing was meant to be a final resting place... I think it was a place to reconcile all your regrets, all your fears, and all your worries, and get ready to move on. ...to be done. Read a whole bunch of amazing things about yourself, and you're basically set for death. I'm okay with that idea.

Maybe this dream was prophetic. Maybe it meant nothing. It'll definitely change how I think about things, I just haven't figured out in what way. Maybe I'll forget in a couple months. ...maybe I'll never forget it.

::edit::

My favorite dream study went as such:
The researchers put participants into three groups. All groups had to the same task: write in a journal every evening, and every morning write about what they dreamed about.
Each group was also to select a specific person from their life.
In group one, if they thought about that person, they were to write in their journal about that person, everything that came to mind.
In group two, if they thought about that person while writing in their journal, they were not to write about the person, but were to make a tally mark every time they did.
In group three, they were not to think about that person at all costs. Do not write about them, do not think about them, change the subject completely. (anyone that's tried not thinking of something knows that all you're gonna do is think about it.)

The dream reports showed that almost no one in group one dreamed about their assigned person. Those in group two dreamed about their assigned person something like 25% of the time, and those in group three dreamed about their assigned person around 50% of the time. What this shows is that we are more likely to dream about things that we shove into our subconscious, no matter how insignificant. Dreams are not necessarily a representation of our unconscious needs, wants, and desires, but more representative (still not 100%) of the things we tell our brain to keep quiet. On top of it, there's two different kinds of dreams. Rem Sleep dreams are the ones we tend to remember because usually, those are the dreams that you wake up from every morning. Stage Two dreams, however, take place during a different light stage of sleep, and generally revolve around working through problems (not necessarily real-life problems, just whatever your dream as made up.)

Point being, if you wanna have that dream about Robert Pattinson, I suggest doing your best not to think about him before bed.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

WHAT IN THE $*_%ING HELL WHYYYYYY











YES THESE ARE ALL REAL OH MY GOD WHYYYYY

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Dating Woes

Hokay, so I haven't give you guys a Misadventures in Dating in a while, so let's talk.

This guy from yahoo personals sent me a message, and we started IMing. Then, we talked on the phone for an hour - best conversation I've had with a guy in a long time. Me and my old roommates keep a FB message going, and I sent them this list of pros and cons
(note, you're about to see me be shallow. It happens. a lot of the "cons" were things that aren't my favorite, but I can deal with.

Bad things:
-Gets hair cut 2x a month (high maintenance)
-Celine Dion is "[his] girl"
-might not be able to deal with my baggage
-might be a little too gay
-used to weigh 300 lbs, lost a lot of weight but is likely flabby
-"can be a total cunt"
-Workaholic (whereas I am a slacker)
-does not want as many cats as i want


Good things:
-Makes me laugh
-Very confident
-Has a solid family
-Has a solid group of friends
-6'1"
-loves, loves, LOVES cuddling
-incredibly cute
-thinks I'm incredibly cute
-started his own business when he was 15, sold it when he was 20. Now works at a hotel in a high enough position where he has employees
-has a car with heated seats that he bought himself
-only lives an hour or so away
-six days older than me
-wants to settle down with someone monogamously
-so far, very nice


Basically, the good highly outweighs the bad. He's kind of stellar, right?
...not right.

So, friday night, we made pseudoplans that saturday, after he was done attending a wedding in philly, he was most likely going to come up to where I live and we'd go out for drinks or coffee.
At noon saturday, I sent him a text saying "how's the wedding?" hoping to get a more definite on if/when he may be coming. I assumed it was like 75% that he was coming.
...no response.
Okay, that's fine. 5.00 rolls around, and at this point I was supposed to know what was going on. 6.00 rolls around. at 7.00 I see him on AIM, which means instead of coming to see me, he went home. I IMed him, icebreaking with "so, how was the wedding?"
...he signed off.
At 9.00, I sent him a text solely saying "So, I'll take it I won't be seeing you tonight?"
...no response.

It's now Tuesday.

I went back and checked our IMs and texts to make sure I didn't come off as insane or twitchy, and I don't think I did, meaning there's only a few possible scenarios that may have happened.

Scenario 1: He met someone at the wedding.
Scenario 2: He found my myspace and decided I was too fat/ugly
Scenario 3: He thought I was serious about wanting 32 cats (though I made it clear I was joking)
Scenario 4: He thought I was a slacker/deadbeat because I don't have a job or car right now, even though I made it clear I was working on it.
Scenario 5: He did seem a little offput when I mentioned that I don't want kids, and said that he'd "have to think about that one."

It's just so strange, because he doesn't seem like the kind of guy who would just stop talking to me altogether out of nowhere. He seemed a lot nicer than that, like he'd offer some sort of an explanation, even if it was a lie. I can't imagine anything so bad that he decided he didn't even want to be friends with me.

I mean, I was basically stood up, and I'm not exactly happy about it. But I've also been single for three years now, and he seems like a guy I could spend some time with, at least four or so months (that's like ten years in gay.)
I dunno, it's a strange, awkward situation... probably moreso for me than him, because I don't know what I did wrong. He certainly does.


So here's my question to you guys: should I toss an email to him that says something like "so... hey, I was wondering why you stopped talking to me?" or should I just not bother?

Monday, October 5, 2009

You're Gonna Love My Nuts

Levi Johnston is hella hot. Like... seriously. Mmm...



Also, this is kind of awkward...

Sunday, October 4, 2009

The Atheist Challenge

As I've made clear in earlier blogs, I'm neither Atheist, Deist, or Agnostic... I have too many other things on my plate right now. I understand why people are religious and that's their thing, but I don't have time for that. I also don't have the patience to be Atheist, either. Many (not all) atheists I've met has been kind of a dick about it, and spend a lot of time saying horrendous things about religious people - and that's not fair.

Apparently there's a series of questions called "The Atheist Challenge" which is a series of questions meant to test an Atheists beliefs. There's a bunch of different versions, and I was reading isabigot, and someone left them with ten questions regarding Atheism. I didn't really care for their answers. I felt their answers were stuck up, stuffy, and too wordy. They were written in the sense of "I am way smarter than you" and I hate when people write like that, because they lose so much meaning. The best writers are ones that you can tell are knowledgeable by the quality of their work, not how well they use a thesaurus. It reminds me a lot, actually, of Ann Coulter's writing. I read the first chapter of her book Godless, and it made absolutely no sense. She strung together pages from the thesaurus hoping to make her point across, but in the long run, she uses a simple manipulation technique I learned in Psychology:

If you can't Dazzle them with Brilliance, Baffle them with Bullshit.

I really, really don't like that writing style.

So here's my answers to the questions that were asked of isabigot.


Also, I may have answered some of these before in another blog. And yes, I know the irony of saying that I have more important things on my brain than religion, yet, I spend a lot of time defending atheists. I'm not defending atheists so much as I am defending science. There's nothing wrong with defending what makes sense. Also, I don't consider myself agnostic, because it seems to me that Agnostics actually spend time searching for answers. I spend time listening to music, blogging, and hanging out with my friends. I don't consider myself atheist because hey, if there is a God, I certainly don't want to be wrong. If there isn't one, I've wasted a lot of time in church (I couldn't half-ass religion.) I am a good person with or without God in my life, and in the long run, the only Unforgivable Sin is not letting God speak through you at Judgement. I'm nervous about that, since I'm a bit of a talker, but I think I'll be okay if/when that time comes.
Also, I'll probably contradict myself a few times. Sometimes, writing makes you do that.

1. Aren’t you saying people who believe in a higher power are idiots because science can explain why we’re here? Hypocritic[sic].


I think everyone is stupid, including myself. Sure, we all have our smart moments, but in the long run, we're stupid.

For the most part, militant Atheists only see Religious people as the right-wing wingnuts like Glenn Beck, Ann Coulter, Pat Roberston, and Fred Phelps.

For the most part, Religious people see Atheists as the militant atheists who want to make sure everyone else is just like them.

I've met many religious people and atheists that have a lot to say about their religion/lack of religion, and I've met many who'd rather talk about the eagles game. I've had some religious friends try and get me to go to church events with them, and I've had many of them come to bars with me. And no, they don't make us say grace before my amaretto and diet.
I also know a lot of atheists who completely support religious people, and don't use religion as an excuse for someone being a good or bad person.

I've also met religious people and atheists who are complete and total dicks.

I judge people a lot more on how much of a dick they are than what their religion is.

2. How do you know what’s right and what’s wrong? If there is a moral law, why is there not a moral law giver? Who determined morality, scientists?

I use logic and emotion. Don't rape, because I certainly wouldn't want to be raped. Don't kill, because that person probably has family or friends who would miss him or her greatly if I decided to end his or her life, and I could never live with myself after ending someone's life. Self-defense is a different issue, but I could never just plain kill. Sure, there are people that could, but they clearly don't use proper logic or emotion. Anyone that's ever loved certainly couldn't take someone away from someone that loves them.
Scientists are not the Atheist version of a priest, Science is not the Atheist version of God. They are not intended to be parallels. Just like Bhudda is not the Bhuddist version of God, he is merely the founder of the religion.
Unlike the commonly known Christian God, Science is ever changing, and scientists always look for ways to prove science wrong, in order to further improve theories and absolutes. SCIENCE IS NOT AN ABSOLUTE - not as it is, anyway. Science is always changing, and that's the beauty of it. Eventually, science becomes absolute - but then we test it over and over and over and over making sure that it's truly infallable. Then it becomes fact. Then we continue testing it.

3. Aren’t these scientists and evolutionary theorists dead?

...yes? everyone dies. But then hey! More kids grow up to be scientists and evolutionary theorists.

4. How do you explain death?

Well, because I'm not a four year old, I don't have to think that my Goldfish has gone to a "better place" or "a big pond in the sky." Death is the cessation of bodily function. The body can no longer function or sustain itself. These kinds of things happen. Besides, if people don't die, we won't have room for more people.

5. There is archaeological proof that Jesus did indeed walk this earth some two thousand years ago. Is there any proof that we evolved from some intergalactic comet?

Jesus likely existed. Was he the son of God? That's not something I can know. He may have solely been a religious leader who was written into the books as the Son of God. If the bible is infallable, why did it require four prophets to tell the same story of Jesus? Especially since they all told it differently, and had some conflicting ideas. There's a very high probability that Jesus was just a man who really loved God, and over the years, all the stories were embellished, whisper-down-the-lane style.

There's also no proof that we "evolved from some intergalactic comet"... a) comets aren't alive, we can't evolve from them. ...duh.

b) there's mountains of evidence towards evolution, and one book on creationism. Sure, almost all religions believe in creationism, but Religion is often used to make something that doesn't make sense, well... make sense. Science also makes something that doesn't make sense make sense, but uses rigorous layed out testing procedures. Theories, of course, are theories, and often have to remain so due to an inability to test certain things i.e. Black Holes. We also can't test your religion and your God, so if you won't listen to our theories because they're "just theories," then what of your religion?

6. Wasn’t the constitution (which protects your rights) based on biblical principles?

"The United States Constitution is in no sense founded upon Christian Doctrine" - George Washington.

I could leave it at that, but let me continue.


(Note: @jmundstuk pointed out that I lacked citation for this quote. I've seen it many, many places so I have to attribute it to common knowledge. As such, I did not look up the quote to get its exact phrasing. I believe this is the proper quote: "The United States is in no sense founded upon the Christian doctrine." From QuotedB.com Yes, I'm aware that it is not a proper source, but I'm not sure where to begin to find the origin of the quote - I've only ever done professional research in psychology.)

EDIT: @jmundstuk did some research for me, and discovered that the quote originated from the Treaty of Tripoli. Article 11 states:
"As the Government of the United States of America is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion; as it has in itself no character of enmity against the laws, religion, or tranquility, of Mussulmen; and, as the said States never entered into any war, or act of hostility against any Mahometan nation, it is declared by the parties, that no pretext arising from religious opinions, shall ever produce an interruption of the harmony existing between the two countries."
However, it is not right to use that as my sole argument. Let's look directly at the Ten Commandments and how they relate to American Legal Proceedings.


According to the New King James version:

The First Commandment: Thou shalt have no other gods before me.
It is one of our rights to practice any religion we choose, including hinduism, bhuddism, atheism, and satanism.

The Second Commandment: Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above...
Essentially, that's saying that all the statues of angels you have in your house, crosses, jesus statues, virgin marys, yeah. That's all gotta go. You can't worship any of these things - and using them as supplements to worshipping God is the same concept. I suggest holy sacrifice.

The Third Commandment: Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy God in vain.
Freedom of speech, Goddammit. 1st Amendment.

The Fourth Commandment: Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy.
I guess the constitution says that we must all go to the Christian Church every Sunday, huh.
...wait a minute...

The Fifth Commandment: Honor thy Mother and Thy Father
There are legal proceedings to divorce you from your parents.

The Sixth Commandment: Thou Shall Not Kill
...okay, yeah, that's illegal. I don't know if it's in the constitution, but it's definitely illegal to kill. And i'm okay with that.

The Seventh Commandment: Thou Shall Not Commit Adultry
Again, it sucks, but it's completely legal.

The Eighth Commandment: Thou Shall Not Steal
Yeah, that's illegal. Two for Eight now.

The Ninth Commandment: Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour.
It is illegal to lie under oath. It's not illegal to lie in general.

The Tenth Commandment: Thou Shall Not Covet Thy Neighbor
Jealousy is completely legal.

7. Do atheists marry? If so, why?

a) absolutely, b) Marriage has evolved to be much more than a solely religious concept. It not only offers the couple hundreds and hundreds of legal rights unattainable by unmarried or gay couples, but society as a whole generally regards it as the ultimate commitment of love, and many couples want to make that commitment to each other.

8. If believers only “pick out” the good points in the bible, don’t atheists only “pick out” the bad? Who’s right?

I'm not entirely sure I understand the question - I think the points of the bible that Atheists "pick out" are solely used to point out hypocrisy within the Christian Nation (i.e. Levitical Laws indicating that we shouldn't eat Shellfish or Swine, or that a woman who is not a virgin cannot marry - and if she is, she is to be slain.) Sure, the bible has parables that offer moral guidelines, but many people agree that the most intelligent thing is to do "good" because you want to and you feel like you should and because it makes the most sense - not because someone told you to.

9. Isn’t it easy to oversimplify or discount something when you already have a preconceived notion about it? Okay Steve Harvey called atheists “idiots,” that’s a bit heavy-handed; but Bill Maher said the same thing about believers. Who’s right? If you say atheists are, how do you know this?

I've discussed this in the first question. Neither is right, however, I do believe that Atheists have science to back themselves up which is real, tangible, and testable. Religion, however, has over-translated texts and misguided, open-to-interpretation passages.

Also, Bill Maher is more of a shock-jock kinda guy. Steve Harvey is proclaiming these things out of ignorance - though I'm unfamiliar with the context, I'm assuming Bill Maher is saying that he disapproves of religious beliefs, but outside of that, a person is more than tolerable. Steve Harvey literally said that he'd walk away from someone who is an Atheist because it's not possible to speak to an Atheist, and that is the definition of a Bigot. He didn't say that he won't discuss religion with an Atheist, he said that he won't talk to them whatsoever. Bill Maher, from my understanding, is more than willing to debate someone in religion, or any other topic.
On top of it, Bill Maher has a dual degree in English and History from Cornell University. Steve Harvey did not go to college, and worked as an insurance salesman and a boxer.

10. We are not born understanding right from wrong. Inherently, like animals, we are more prone to do wrong (ex. breaking your mom’s favorite vase at aged-three, then denying it when she confronts you). How, then, do we learn that violating someone and lying about it is wrong? How did we become separated from animals? Who’s to say it isn’t right to get yourself out of a fix? We know murder, rape, theft, etc. are wrong, right? Well, who says?

...? For starters, I really hate the wording of this question. It's confrontational in a way that makes the speaker sound stupid. Let me rephrase it.

10.5 We are not born understanding Right from Wrong. Inherently, like animals, we are more prone to do wrong. From where/whom do we learn right from wrong?

I answered this question earlier - logic and emotion. I left out, however, society. If I killed my friend Amanda, her parents would be devasted about the loss of their daugher. Her friends would be devastated by the loss of their friend. They would be angry at me. Therefore, I know that killing Amanda would be wrong. If I stole a television from Wal*Mart, Wal*Mart would be losing out on a lot of money. The Ecuadorian children that made the television would be shorted one cent from their daily wages, which is a whole lot (yes, I just made that up.) Point being, grand theft is not okay. Quite frankly, I'm okay with petty theft from major corporations - they honestly aren't missing out. Petty theft from a friend is not okay, because it's theirs and they earned it. Stealing from a friend is unacceptable. I, personally, would really hate to be raped. It freaks me out, actually. Therefore, I'm not going to rape anyone. A majority of people would hate to be killed, stolen from, or raped, so Society as a whole have deemed these to be improper things.

Apparently, there was a bonus question/statement:

Without morality, there would not be six billion people on this planet, because we’d all destroy each other. And, someone had to be the moral law giver as I said earlier. Oh, yeah, it was those evolutionist dudes, right? But wait, aren’t they dead? n Mensa members can’t even figure out how to stop death.

a) That's true. Without Morality, we have the potential to kill each other... but evolutionarily, killing eachother doesn't make sense. In theory, animals don't have morals, but they certainly haven't destroyed their own species. b) Yes, someone had to give that moral law. c) "Those evolutionist dudes." There's a way to make an argument. No, the answer is Society. The "Superego", if you will. d) Yes, they're dead. That doesn't mean that things they said/did no longer apply. Bhudda is long dead, but his will lives on. e) Mensa members don't want to stop death - if we stopped death, we'd overpopulate the planet and destroy it. We already have more people than we know what to do with.


Well, I think I answered all of these questions in full and refuted any inane claims. Unfortunately, it's people like the question asker that make me side more with atheists, especially considering the bonus question looked like a ten year old wrote it. The answer? Wake Up. Question everything you're told. God is the one that supposedly gave us free will and the ability to make decisions on our own. We can choose whether to believe or not - and only God can judge us.

I have my moments where God is plausible, but more often, I have moments where God is thoroughly implausible. And you know what? I think he likes it that way.